A Storm is Brewing...

My life has been a little stormy as of late. For those of you who know, it's not over, but it's not over, you know?

Anyway, I took these pics on Christmas Day and I thought it was kind of funny that the sky represented what I was feeling for the moment. A little cold and stormy. Perhaps I will use them in my next picture book. 

On another note, after seeing the wonderful opportunity Joe came to receive in the way of a book deal, it prompted me to start working more on my own book with the hope that one day I too will become published. Perhaps I will share some of it at a later date. 

Happy Faces

This last one is my favorite!

Frog, Earthworm, Crayfish, Perch?

I'm like a kid at a candy store! We just got in our Biology supplies for dissections and I am so excited to get started. Dissecting is going to so much fun!

Okay, so can you hear the sarcasm there? Actually there isn't any. I really am excited to do the dissections with the class. But I am trying to practice hyping it up so I can get the students excited. It's not an easy assignment when you are a teen and everything is either cute and fuzzy or gross and slimy. I have faith we will get through it though. 

Cartoons and Jesus

Every morning I sit and wonder how I end up all alone watching cartoons. I don't start out alone in front of the TV. Usually I am asked to watch cartoons with my youngest. She turns on her favorites and we sit and watch them, then suddenly I realize I am the only one in the room. How does that happen? Perhaps I only imagine her wanting me to watch cartoons. Perhaps it's all in my head. Maybe, just maybe I really just love to watch cartoons and I just make up a reason to watch them so no one will know. Because what might others thing if they found out I was a cartoon lover? Naw! That's just silly!

So why do I end up worshiping alone? I didn't start out alone. I usually would be asked to gather together with a group of fellow worshipers and we would worship together. But then suddenly I found myself all alone with my bible. Perhaps I only imagined the others who wanted to worship together. Perhaps it's all in my head. Maybe, just maybe I really love to worship and I just made up a reason to worship so no one will really know. Because what might others think if they found out I was a Jesus lover? Naw! That's just silly!

Fido Photo Shoot

I had my first fido photo shoot. I was asked to take pics of some pretty pups that are the best of friends. One I am told is sick and not doing well. (The Doberman) You could have fooled me. They both looked healthy and happy. The white one is my favorite to photograph. He had a lot of personality.

I did learn that dogs are not that easy to photograph. They move around so fast and every time I got down to their level to take a picture they would try to lick my face off. It was a lot of fun though and I look forward to my next fido photo shoot. 

Not to be a whiner but...

I just worked really hard last night, staying up until well past midnight, so I could put together an individual paper that was to be done before my team meeting which was this morning at 10am. Each team member was to bring his or her paper and we were to choose one to present to our class on Monday night. Pretty simple right? But, no one came with a paper except me. As a matter of fact, the members of my team sat there staring at me and asked if I was going to put the team paper together this week. I had to explain that we didn't have a team paper, we had a presentation on one of our individual papers. I was met with blank looks. I guess they didn't understand the assignment. 

In the end, we spent five minutes listening to one person's "plan" for what we each would present and then everyone left. I sat there wondering what had just happened. Now I sit fuming. I want to avoid any confrontation, but I am having a hard time with this group as their actions affect my grade. ARG! Can't I just do my work and turn it in and get through my classes so I can graduate already?!! 

Okay, I'm done.

Things I've Missed

Just thought I would share a list of things I missed while away the last three years...

the rain

the smell after rain

clouds

Red Rock

dust devils

suspicious neighbors

lizards

aloe plants

neon lights

24 hour business

It's good to be back home.

So we went to this pumpkin patch for Halloween and I was totally let down. We spend $30 on tickets for the younger kids to ride rides and play games. At three tickets a ride or game with 5 kids, we were out of there in a matter of minutes. Guess we will be having a party and haunted house next Halloween.

Note to all pumpkin patch people: You need to lower prices or upgrade the patch!

Go Vote Silly!

For anyone who ever had a gripe or a negative thought or suggestion for our government, today is your day to participate in making changes. So go vote already! It is totally painless, and only take a few minutes but makes a huge impact and allows your little voice to be heard in a big way.

Matheny Creations...

is the name of my new business. I am creating customized photo books and putting together a book of my own work. I'll share more later on all of that. But here are a few pics from todays outing that I thought I would share with you. Enjoy.

We Chose Breakfast Over Church

I'm in the process of creating my first business called Matheny Creations. I'll fill you in on the details later but it has to do with photography and books. Two of my favorite things. 

So we chose breakfast over church today. There is a church a little ways away from our house that I went to last week alone to "check it out" for the family. It was small by comparison to most other churches here but large enough to hide in the back while listening and watching everything that was going on. The worship was fun and reminded me a little of old Apex days. The message was a little ADHD though and I found it hard to understand what the main subject was. But for the most part it was painless and we as a family decided we would attend together this weekend. However, once we got up and started getting ready to go we realized that none of us had breakfast yet and it was already 9:30. (church started at 10.) In the end we took the left turn instead of the right turn and ended up at the near by Denny's having breakfast and talking about Legos, biology, music, and God providing opportunities for growth. We never made it to church, but it kind of felt like we were connected as a family and we were definitely feeling blessed to be together. I find it kind of funny that we haven't managed to get to a church together for the last three years. Maybe we will try again next week. Or maybe we will continue our "gathering" at Denny's. 

I love it!

Only some of you will understand the humor I find in this. But I get a call yesterday that my in-laws need a ride to the airport. No big, I will take them. Later that night I get a call from my dad who also needs a ride to the airport at the exact same time. I think to my self, "now that would be great to see, all three of them in the back of the truck made to sit together for a 30min ride to the airport. Would they behave?" and I laugh real hard with the visual. Reality kicked in though and we worked it out where I will take my father, and Shad will take his parents. Isn't God humorous sometimes though? I love it.

(Back story is obvious. The in-laws and my father do not like each other at all. They have not spoken since the wedding over 14 years ago if they even spoke then which I doubt.)   :)

A Bit of My Story

When I was 4 years old my dad abandoned my mom, my brother, and myself and chose to live a single life. Being that young I really didn't understand what was going on and just loved my dad and wanted him to be proud of me and to love me as much as I loved him. I also didn't understand why he would always have to leave just when he got back home from being away so long. 

Over the years it became clear that my father was never coming home but rather just visiting. It became the norm for me and I adjusted accordingly. However, as I have grown up I have had much difficulty dealing with being around him as I would instantly regress into that child who just wants to be loved by her father, and who wanted her father to stick around a little while. I came to realize that he chose to abandon me and my family. And somewhere deep down inside I felt I must have done something wrong, or must not have been deserving of a father's love.

I share this because my father is currently visiting and I found myself writing in my journal tonight, wondering just why I have been so not myself today. I realized that even after 33 years I still tend to try and regress into that child who wants to be loved by her father. Even worse, I found myself bummed that he will be leaving tomorrow night and feeling like we just don't really know each other as well as we should. 

And then I remembered that the choices he made in his life were his to make, not mine. And even though his choices affected my life in many ways, I was able to find a true Father whom loves me and has loved me all along. Well before I came into this world.

I screw up as much as the next person in life when making choices and living life but this Father never criticises me or abandons me. Instead he continues to love the imperfect me just as He always has. And this brings me a sense of relief knowing that I don't have to be perfect in order to love or be loved. 

And I just felt that I needed to share that little bit of my story tonight. 

Need a job!

Looking for a job. Let's see, it needs to be part time for now, it needs to work with my personal school schedule, it needs to fit around the fact that I home school my kids, and it needs to be something I will enjoy and grow from otherwise I will get bored and not want to do it for long. Oh, and I have to get paid something. Preferably money so I can contribute to our income. Not a lot to ask for right? Any suggestions?

Hailey's Blue Hair!!!

She decided she needed to have her hair black and blue. It is blue under the back as well. She just woke up in this picture so it isn't brushed or anything, but I like it. It's fun to see people's reactions when we go places too. And it is a good lesson in pre-judgement. 

Random things

I found Hot Tamale popcicles! I'm eating one now! Yum!

 Oh and my daughter's hair is black and blue. I'll post a picture soon...

We had a house church reunion type thingy (if you can call it that) the other day. The Carder family was here minus one, and Susie was here! She brought these awesome cookies that I love. (Thanks Suzie!) It was great to finally catch up with everyone. We were missing a few people but it was nice to see everyone that could come hang out. Maybe we can do it again some time soon. 

Pen 15!!! hahahaahahahhaa! I can't get it out of my head.

Dreams

I love my family. However, (you knew that was coming right?) I have a hard time with some of them a lot these days. Some take advantage, others behave like children, and yet more have children that behave like, well, children. (Go figure) So what is my issue? It's more like a question really. Why can't I just love on everyone and them love me back without expectation or manipulation? Why do I have to be drug into the middle of things that have nothing to do with me? "Why can't we all just get along!?!"

Sometimes I just want to move away to a far off island and write books and take photos for a living, eat sea food and drink drinks with little fun umbrellas in them while painting pictures of the sea....very selfish I know. I would need my kids near by of course and my husband as well, and my computer, my dog, well....I guess I would actually be too alone all alone on my island so maybe it's not the best idea. Maybe I should just focus on a nice vacation.

After the Birthday Blues

I had fun on my birthday and now I can't shake the guilt. What's up with that? I mean, I was thinking we never know how many we get for sure (birthdays), so why not start celebrating them and do something fun and actually enjoy them as much as possible. So I did, and the next day I felt guilty about it. Not good. This means I need to start having more fun more often. At least that is my prescribed medicine. 

Home School Lesson

For school this morning we are watching a documentary of the 911 attacks. It brings back all the emotion and sadness, the frustration and confusion. It wasn't my choice for a school subject this morning, it was my oldest daughter's choice. She is interested in what happened as she was much younger when it happened and doesn't really remember it. 

It is crazy how they are able to show what happened in this documentary based on the evidence found. And very sad to see them playing certain shots over and over again. Not the best of memories. But we are learning about many things. For instance how a structure built the way the Pentagon was helped to keep the damage to a minimum (if you can believe it) as there were people who survived and the plane did not go in as far as it could have. And how the blast waves were contained due to the building's design. This saved people who just happened to be standing in just the right spot the moment the blast waves hit. And how bomb proof windows protected people from the fire. The area hit was being renovated so the more than 5,000 people who work in those areas were not there that day. 

Just a peek

So the picture is of our living room and where we slept the first night in our house. It was crazy but fun. Now our home is full of furniture and boxes and is a mess. But it is slowly coming together. I truly enjoy just having a house. 

Moving right along...

Well, this has not been the smoothest transition from one state to another, but we are finally moved in with all of our stuff and I have to admit, it feels wonderful to sleep in a bed and have a fridge. Living in an empty house with an ice chest was fun for a while, but not so much fun after the second week. 

We spent the weekend bringing boxes in and we are still unpacking. And today we went to the DMV and made our residence here official. It's nice to be home. Now we need to start connecting with more friends and family. I'm thinking we do a once a month get together and just invite everyone we know and see who shows up.   :B

The First Week at Home

I am currently sitting in what will be the den of our new house. It has a single chair in it, and my school papers are scattered about with scribbles here and there. There is an almost empty can of paint calling my name waiting for me to use it on the last of the trim work and a bucket with a rag, paint brushes and a tarp, and various other things on the floor. In one week I have managed to live with no furnishings other than air mattresses and folding chairs while using an ice chest for a fridge. It has been fun and interesting as well as frustrating. Some of the comments surprise me though, like "Oh! you have no fridge? How do you eat? How do you keep your food from spoiling?" or "How can you live like that?" Comedy really.

We took this, our first week, to clean the walls and the floors, dust the windows and blinds, wipe cabinets and paint rooms all in preparation for our truck-o-stuff to get here to our newly purchased home. Our truck-o-stuff that clearly we do not NEED but just can't seem to live without.

At night I sit on the floor and log into school and try to make sense of my instructors postings and assignment requirements in order to make some sort of plan on how to accomplish what she wants on the due dates I'm given. I've managed so far. My biggest obstacle is staying focused and remembering I have school because I am so easily distracted with what we have been doing to this house to get it ready. I have worked on it every day since we got here.

Tomorrow I will attempt to get the trim work done without the purchase of another small can of paint, but I am not sure there is enough in the can to get it done. I am feeling lucky though. ;)

I will also be painting polka dots. Like 30 of them. Then I get to take a trip to the airport to drop a couple of my favorite people off so they can help our truck-o-stuff make it here. 

Eventually I will get to see my husband again which I am so looking forward to. I miss him as I have not seen him in over a week. This, our first week in our new home. It's been fun. 

Car Show!

We spend the day at a car show over the weekend. It was fun and I was able to try my had at some funky photos. I plan on using my favorites to decorate the Garage. Enjoy!

More photos!

We went to the beach the other day and I was able to take some photos. I thouht I would share a few of my favorites.

Are You Ready?

What is it about moving to another stated that makes a person look differently at what they have in life? Is it the major change factor that pushes us to realize things we neglected to see in the first place? And why is that? Why do we do that? I have this really deep desire to go out and document everything around me before we move back to Vegas and I was trying to figure out why I would feel the need to do that. It isn't like I will never see this place again, although the experience will be different next time being a visitor versus a resident. But for some reason I long to capture this moment in time of our lives. Interesting. Over our time here I have tried to appreciate what we have been provided and blessed with. Things like cool weather, green everywhere, wild life and just a whole different cultural experience. But I see that this is all about to change and want to somehow capture what we have and take it with us. Am I crazy? That's not the point really so please don't answer that. 

:)

One thing I know for sure is that we are getting a second change to experience and enjoy (in a whole new way) the place we came from in the first place. I have many plans already in the works to help us take advantage of as much as we can of what we took for granted before. I learned my lesson the first time. And it was the move here that woke me up and opened my eyes to it all. The realization of just what we had and how badly we treated or ignored it. Be ready my friends, I will be knocking and calling and planning trying to include you in on my attempt to live and love life to the fullest. Are you ready?

Picture Pages!

A random photo from the river behind our hotel in Oregon. 
One of the streets of San Francisco!
A flower growing in our backyard.

As of late, I have gotten back into photography. I've always been into it as many already know. But lately I can't get enough. I think I will try to take a side class in photography later on after we move. So what do you think, am I any good?

My Baby Girl!

Okay, so I always say that my girls are my babies. I know, I'm in a sort of denial about it all. I'll work it out some day. For now I just sit in awe of how much they have grown. I look at the pictures from just a year ago and it is amazing and a little frightening all at once. We are blessed for sure. We celebrated Hailey's birthday at the park we frequently go to and I caught Hailey staring off over at some trees. When I asked her what she was looking at, she said she was just remembering all of the fun times she has had at this park, and she began to tell me all about where she first met each of her friends and some of the fun things they did. It was very cool for her to share that with me, and a little sad too. They have grown a lot here physically and emotionally. They have made some great friends and have learned a whole lot about the world. Northern California is certainly a different place from all others to live and learn.  We are going to miss it. But don't tell anyone I said that.  ;)

Sunday we will celebrate Hailey's 14th birthday at the park with messy games. It's going to be a lot of fun. Then it is strictly business for the next month packing and visiting with old friends and new to say good byes and swap email and snail mail addresses. This is a picture of friends Hailey will be leaving behind. I know she has been blessed to get to know them and hope they will all stay in touch.

I started my first online class today and I must say, it is way different from what I thought it would be. Lots of work and I am going to have to be very strict with my schedule to make sure I get everything done on time. The good news though is that I finally have a Thursday night off and will have for the next two months. The first time in over 2 years!! Yes! I wouldn't know what to do with myself except for the fact that I have lots of packing and other things to keep me busy. Lucky me!!!

Tomorrow is my last working day. I am both sad and happy about it. Sad to be leaving such an awesome group of people and happy because it means we are that much closer to getting our move over with. As it is I have found good enough reason to get myself and the girls moved two weeks earlier than we planned. If anyone would like to come paint some rooms, let me know. You are more than welcome to help.

The Waiting is Over

Its the house in the SW/SE for sure. Guess I will be doing a lot of driving. 

Oh well! At least I finally know where I am going to live now!

Yippee for me!

Sad :(

I am sad. I had an argument with the hubby and I feel very alone tonight. (Stress I am sure.)

So I have 6 days left of work. Four of them this week, three of them next week. And my last class at the campus is this Thursday. I change to online classes after that. Change is creeping in and stress is mounting up slowly without a sound. 

I took a walk tonight. It was dark and all up hill. Kind of like how I feel about tonight. 

Well, enough of that crap. I'm going to bed...

Wigidy Wigidy Whack!

Okay, so let me lay it out for ya...

...we have a house in the SW that we put an offer on, and our offer was accepted. Whooo! We have a house! It was one of many offers out there but the only one to get accepted. 

Well, we got the papers to sign on this house on Friday and while I was trying to figure out how our furniture would go in it, Shad's sister sent us some info on a house in the NW. I kind of ignored it because after all, we have a house! Don't we?

Well, last night Shad had his sister running out to look at this house in the NW and taking pictures of it. "Just in case" was his excuse. I just kept planning for our move to the SW.

Now, today I get a call from Shad telling me he put an offer on the house in the NW! The house we have not even walked in and looked at. We have no idea what it looks like inside, we have no idea about anything except it is in the NW and has a pool, and Shad just put in a huge offer on it. 

Am I the only one here that sees the insanity of all of this? 

Attack of the Squirrels!!!

Hailey was up in her room and glanced out of the window (which happens to have a huge tree in front of it) and saw a squirrel. Then she saw another one, and another. A total of three were playing around and trimming branches. She managed to grab the camera and get a few great shots. Above is one of them. The dog must have been taking a nap because usually she is sitting at the base of the tree looking up and keeping watch for them. This is the kind of stuff I will miss when we move to Vegas. (By Sept 15 for those who were wondering.) 

Speaking of our move. We had an offer accepted in the SW part of town on a house we liked. We are currently trying to decide if we want to go ahead with it or keep looking. It's a bit stressful to say the least but either way we will figure it out. In the mean time, anyone want to visit and help with the packing? :B

Fun Times!

So, as promised here are a few photos from the fun time at the fair. Hailey touched a millipede (Eewwww!) and Mackenzie drew a clown. EXCITING stuff! We might just drive up here next year just for this event. 

Wheeeeeee!

We went to the fair today! It was fun. We rode some of the rides, we played some of the games, we went to the exhibition hall and checked out some of the cool stuff there, and we finished up with snack purchases. We always get the home made fudge and the girls get cotton candy. Overall a very good day. We didn't walk the entire thing though or go to the concert as that would have had us there way longer than we wanted to be there. As it is we were there four or five hours. 

At some point in the day I told Mackenzie that we were not going to be able to go next year and she got sad again. She isn't dealing with the moving news very well. Hopefully we can remedy that when we get back by getting her involved in some activities with friends. Only time will tell. 

Well, I have a spa appointment tomorrow! So I have to go get some sleep because I have to be there at 9am! On a Sunday! What was I thinking?

 I'll share pics from the fair soon.

Waiting is hard...

So I am sitting here waiting on the bug guy to get here. We have to be ready to leave the house once it's sprayed  and unfortunately he can show up any time between now and 1pm. It would be great if he got here now because then we would have time to go to the fair today. But if he doesn't get here until one, well, I guess it's the mall or the book store or the library. 

And on to other news.....we are moving back to Vegas. Yes, it has happened. We are being transferred and now have a very short time to find a house and get moved. Part of me is super happy, and another part of me is super crappy. Sorry, I just had a huge urge to rhyme. So like I said, I'm happy that we are going to be back but will miss the weather, the green, the parks with SHADE and well, lots of other things. But it's all for the best I suppose. 

I start another class tonight. Research and Statistics. Yeah! I'm so excited to get this one over with. Since we are moving I will probably switch to online classes until we get settled in our new place. Our new place that has a pool!!! It's my one must have, no negotiations requirement.

And well, that's about it I guess. For now anyway.

We Made It!

I love my family, but oh my goodness it's nice to have my house back. 

We had a great trip to Oregon to see our niece graduate and it was made extra special because got to spend it with family. Don't believe me? Just look at the pics!

A question or two...

How do you connect with teens ages 12-19 who are using drugs?

Kids who have parents who smoke pot or who have taught their kids that pot really isn't a drug or that it isn't harmful?

Kids with parents who stand there with a drink in there hand saying "don't drink" or who decide other things in life are more important than their kids who is strung out on heroin?

Kids who use who are having kids themselves?

The job I accepted is hard. I mean, these kids aren't stupid. They know what they are doing. Most of them fully accept that the drugs they use are harmful and most of them will tell you they could care less. So how does a person reach them? I mean, I know the different theories and techniques, but I am thinking there has got to be a better way. Or perhaps there are just a lot of things I still need to learn. 

I'll have to write more later....

Crazy brain time....

This was a tough week. And that's all I've got to say about that.

I found this funny quote:

Be nice! Else you'll spend the rest of your life fighting and competing and you'll never trust anyone and you will end up just not being very happy and stuff.

I like it because there is truth in it. 

We will have 12 visitors on Wednesday staying with us. It should be an interesting event. Can you say QFT? Yep, that's what it will be. 

Well, I'm out!

Hi!

So how's it going? Today I had a good day, although it was quite busy. My job is tough, but I think I made a bit of a break through today with my group. I went off the path of conformity and chose to break out on my own. I took a chance and it worked out and the kids opened up a bit and even relaxed enough to start sharing some true feeling. It was pretty cool. And then I had two meetings with two kids who are deep in denial. My head was spinning by the time I was done but I felt like I actually got something done for the first time in weeks. It was a good day. 

Now the trick is to try and get the same results every time. I've got my work cut out for me for sure. 

In the meantime, I have this really hard school assignment where I have to research toys for ages 6 months to 12 months and then do a presentation on what the findings are and how they relate to some different theories. I'm actually looking forward to this assignment. It will give my brain a nice little rest. 

Speaking of rest, I think I will take one right now....

Just stuff

So last week my computer totally crashed. I am talking it died. There is just no bringing it back. And because I am in school and because of the work I do my hubby knew I would need a new computer and fast. We had planned that the next one would be new and wanted to make sure it was something reliable and easier for me to cart around. We also wanted something worth the money and that would last for many years. So we bought a Mac Book. I am very happy with it and find it easy to use. I love not being tied to a plug, (my other computer had a bad battery so I had to be plugged in all the time) and it is much easier to carry around. I can't find one thing wrong with it, so I had to share just how much I love it so far. 

We are preparing for a visit from the family next month. We will have a total of 11 people visiting us and staying in our little house. I am going to try to convince the kids to camp out in the backyard. They would have more fun I think, but we shall see. As it it, our little three bedroom home is going to be packed full of family and it will be nice. Then it is a trip to Oregon to see our niece graduate from college. 

Time to play some Guitar Hero II! Hope you are having a great weekend.

The Mind is a Wonderful Thing

Let's review the last post, shall we?

I started working, I panicked, I tried to jump ship and .........

...I was totally denied! Well, actually, I was told that I would have to "hang in there" until a position opened up in the adult side of things. That pushed me into a bigger panic at first, but then I decided to talk to another counselor about what I was going through. The counselor that has been training me. This was hard to do, and I cried while I admitted my fears and uncertainties. He said he totally respected the fact that I was sharing this and being up front and honest. We talked about the fact that people in this field have to have self confidence in what they are doing. I have always lacked in self confidence anyway, so this was something I needed to hear. We also talked about the difference between teen and adult addicts, the fact that I have the ability to do the job, and many other insightful things. The end result was for me to take the weekend and just think things through, then come in on Monday and share my thoughts and decisions.

Well, here it is Saturday night and I have come to some big realizations about it all. Basically I was a total ball of stress. I was pushed over the edge because I didn't have full confidence in myself, and because I didn't utilize the help of the other counselors and resources available to me. I almost quit, but realize now that I am more than capable of doing this job, that I have tons of resources available to me for help, and that Monday when I go in I will be able to tell them for sure that I am.....well, I think I now what I am, but I am still giving it until tomorrow night to soak in my brain.

So that is my life these days. Craziness I tell you. Emotionally draining craziness! But God teaches me best when I am in my stressful craziness. I am learning so much, and not just about the job but about myself as well. He has a method to His madness I tell ya!

Want to Ride the Roller Coaster?

So there I was in a room with three fellow counselors the other day and we start going over the different clients in the program and suddenly I was given a case load of five clients to start working with. Now, I have been getting some training over the last couple of weeks, but this took me by surprise as I was not expecting it to happen this soon. I have been struggling this whole time with finding a way to relate to these teens I am working with, and my head has been spinning every night. I've bought books, searched the web and just done all I could think of to prepare myself and educate myself. I've been getting up early and going to bed at 1:30am every night since I have started working. I've been a little stressed out to put it kindly. But when I heard that they were giving me a case load and learned more about these kids, I was in a panic. I kept telling myself that it would be alright but I kept hearing this voice in my head asking me how I was going to relate with these kids.

Well, I pushed that little voice right over and decided to take action and made a meeting with one of my new clients. I met with him and it went alright, then met with mom and dad and that went alright too. The case is a huge mess but I was feeling okay when I left, but still, something just wasn't right. Since it was my anniversary, I decided to let the days events go. I was not going to take work home with me. And the rest of my night I felt great, like I had really accomplished something. And I slept like a rock. The first bit of good sleep I have had in a long time. And then it happened.

I woke up today in a panic. I think I even began having an anxiety attack. All I could think was "I am not the right fit for the teen program" and "I should be working with the adults, not the kids." Like I said, things have been going fine, but I couldn't get these thoughts out of my head and suddenly I realized that I had to call someone and talk about what was going on in my head. So of course I called my best friend and husband and he helped me calm down. After we talked I decided to just take the day to think about things. I realized that I was certain I was in the wrong place, and I knew that if I was going to do anything about it, now was the time. If I wait any longer it will be bad for these kids. After I made the attempt to open and dial the number about twenty times, I finally made the call to my boss and talked to him about it all. He said he would take care of it and that I would just be rolled over to the adult program. Now, I have to deal with going in tomorrow and explaining myself to the teen counselors and pray that things go smoothly. It is going to be an uncomfortable situation to say the least, but tonight I feel as though a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders, and I am not stressed out at all. This has been one major roller coaster ride.

La Vida Loca!

Life has been a bit crazy. Here it is 1:30 in the morning and I am still not done writing my paper that is due on Thursday night. I just can't think about funding and IT systems right now. I also have to put together some research information for my team project of which I am slightly confused about but I will have to do that later too. I did manage to get a few ideas written down for the group session I am supposedly doing tomorrow with the teens. And I have a head start on dishes and laundry. And to top it all off, I actually came home without a head ache from work last night. My brain has been a little fried each night from all of the new information I am being given.

Teen recovery is different to say the least. I will have to write more about that later. And working is just a trip after all of these years. I know, that sounds kind of sad coming from someone in her thirties right. I can't help it, I was always the kind of person that felt she had to have a job for security. Now I am totally used to staying at home and having time to do what I want. Yep, spoiled rotten.

The kids are doing alright with the new schedule though. We actually get more done for school now than we have in over a year. I'm still thinking about putting Hailey in an independent study for next year and realized that I will have to hurry and enroll her if I am going to do it. I've heard through the grape vine here that late enrollment is kind of hard to do. It has something to do with crazy families getting on waiting lists to put their preschooler in school or something like that. Luckily I don't have to worry about that since we live an alternative school style. :) I mean, we do private school. Wink!

Next month we are going to have 11 family members come here and stay a night or two with us. Yes, I said 11! 11 + our four and our dog. Oh what a great day that will be. I am not sure just where we are going to put everyone, but I guess we will figure it all out once they get here. I have half a mind to put the kids out in the backyard in the tent. Anyway, they are all coming this way as we make our way to Oregon to see Shara (my niece) graduate from college. It will be a fun trip and I am looking forward to screaming and yelling as she walks the stage to grab her hard earned degree. I will also be daydreaming about the day when I finally get my degree. It's going to happen people. One way or another!

Well, now that it is almost two, I guess I should get my butt to bed and get some sleep. I have to be up at nine! Happy Wednesday!

How time flies...

...when you get a job. I've been so busy trying to put together a new home schooling schedule, purchasing work clothes, organizing paperwork and running around taking care of the other wild and wacky things one has to do in order to start work that I have not had time to even check email or do anything else really. It has been a crazy few days. I am looking forward to starting work though. It is an exciting thing to know I will be thrown to the teenage wolves so to speak and left to fend for myself. I keep wondering how it will all turn out but of course I will never know until I know, you know?

My latest reading list has turned towards Treatment Improvement Protocols and teen recovery materials. Extremely interesting reading actually, but I feel as though I need more so I will be going to the book store tomorrow morning to brows through the psychology section. I've been given some suggestions of books to look for, and I am taking any more suggestion any one has for me. Hint, hint, wink, wink.

I was also reminded the other night of my trip to India back in 2004. I can hardly believe it has been so long ago. That trip really made an impact on the girls we took as well as on ourselves. I found the journal I took with me on that trip and read some of the entries. The whole experience was life changing. I would love to have the chance to go again some day. I still think about all of the people we met young and old.


Time to get back to work on my homework. :b Oh, and I finally have my computer all hooked up to my printer and so I will be able to add pics soon. Yippee!

Happy day to you!

Guess what I got!

I got a job this weekend. Actually, the job got me. Now I have the title of Alcohol and Drug Counselor for a teen program. I received the call as I was driving to Vegas on Friday. It pays very little, but offers a huge opportunity for me career wise. I am excited as well as a little intimidated but I feel very blessed at the same time.

So, to say the least, my life is about to get a little on the crazy side. I will be home schooling, working part time and going to school full time. Sounds so not like a big deal when I read that, but when I think of the reality of it all, it really is kind of crazy. But then I have spent my whole life around crazy so I guess that is the irony.

Currently I am still in Vegas and enjoying visiting with family. Tomorrow we get to visit with friends and that will be great as well. I look forward to a fun filled day of sun and fun at the park.

Life as of late...

has been really busy, but good.

I had a surgery on Friday, slept Saturday and Sunday, was lazy on Monday, worked on Tuesday, took my hubby to the airport on Wednesday and then went to school for some study time, and well, you are pretty much caught up minus about a thousand little tasks in between. Tonight I have school and I am oh so looking forward to that because it is a two hour class about pretty much nothing as I have all of my stuff DONE! Then it's on to another class next week.

My work experience is over and I am a little sad to leave, but glad to have had the experience of meeting so many people and hearing all about their stories in life. I learned a ton and gained a tone of information from books and people alike. It was a great ten weeks actually. Okay, more than ten in reality but anyway, I had a good time.

Lately I am contemplating on what I should do with my degree once it is received. I am still working on a plan for a non-profit facility but at the same time I need to be thinking of a back up career choice. Any ideas? Go ahead, I can take it.

We are missing friends and taking a much needed trip back to Vegas soon. If you know of any activities going on that we can tag along with in the homeschooling community, send the info our way. We look forward to seeing you!

Welcome!

Okay, I was just trying to be nice.

Today was the day I got a lot of work done. I feel as though I have made many tiny accomplishments because I have and it feels good. There are many days when I feel like I haven't accomplished anything and it usually brings me down, and even though I have a lot on my plate, I feel good today.

I'll be visiting Vegas in another two weeks and I am very excited. I plan on staying a few days and bringing the girls. Hopefully friends will not be too busy and we can hook up for some catching up on life and such. It will be nice to see some friendly faces.

I made an amazing discovery the other night. I found my diploma from the medical assisting school I attended back in 1992. I have been searching for it for, well, 16 years! Oh my goodness! Did I just hear that? Holy Cow! Time fricken flies fast! That means my 20 year reunion is just around the corner. What happened? Wow, that is just a crazy realization. Please excuse me a minute...

Okay, I am better now. (I think) Well, I suppose on that note I should just go. I feel the need to go hug my kids.

Dude!

There is this woman with the name of Dr. Pepper Shwarts! Dr. Pepper! Haahahhahahahhaahaha


Okay, that was fun. So life is moving right along. I find that lately I am in to taking part in church via computer video. Thanks Joe. I also notice that I am really enjoying my work experience and have learned a ton! Tonight was no different even with the drama going on. And there was a lot of drama over the last few days let me tell you.

Anyway, there are many things I wanted to share but I find that they have somehow slipped my mind. Maybe I will remember and write more later.

Oh, and someone said Horton Hears a Who the movie was anti-home schooling. Anyone know anything about that?

A part of me is missing...

I can't find my journal in this mess of a freshly moved house, so I feel as though I am missing a part of me. Since I journal with my hands, I suppose I could say my right hand in missing. It feels weird not to have that part of me, that safe place to settle in to at night, or during my day. I don't want to buy a new one though, because I want the one I started with. So, I suppose I will have to start opening boxes and bags of stuff and begin the search tonight after work.

I just started reading this crazy and outrageous story called The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka the other night. It is very bizarre but has some great humor in to it. I'm anxious to find out just what happens in the end. It starts with a man trying to get up and get ready for work, but he wakes up and discovers he has transformed into some kind of insect. He scares his family half to death as they finally discover his secret and then they gradually begin to accept the transformation and start to take care of him. It truly is a strange story.

Well, time to go to work. I suppose I will write more on this blog until I find my missing journal. :)

Just life

I am sitting here watching Big Trouble in Little China. It's a classic. I love the dudes with lamp shade hats. Kurt Russel just cracks me up too when he tires to act like he isn't scared but you can tell that he is freaking out. And that part with the lipstick! Fricken Hilarious!

Life has been crazy as of late. After visiting family when Gram died, we came back and started moving. We are in a different rental now and going through another purging of stuff period. I am amazed at the things we have collected over the last two years. It's sad really to think of all the money we have waisted on stuff that we will end up getting rid of.

Home schooling is still in question around these parts, although I have not freaked out and put my girls in public school like some. I was asked by one lady about the home schooling laws in Nevada because she is thinking about packing up and moving there. Maybe I will do the same if home schooling becomes outlawed. Shad can get himself a little apartment and fly in on the weekends. Now that would be crazy!

I got to teach another class tonight at my work experience. It went really great and I am putting ideas in the head of my boss about hiring me on an on call basis. We shall see what happens.

Time for sleep now...

More stuff...

So things are moving right along. We went to be with family for a while, then had to get back as we found a new rental house and we are moving into it over the next couple of weeks. I am also having to make up missed time at my internship and have a ton of school work to do. When it rains, it pours right?

I feel like it is a dark time with light up ahead and we are struggling to get there but things just keep blocking our path. Frustrating! And I miss Gram, but I'm glad she isn't suffering anymore.

When things calm down I am taking a full day to hang at the beach. Anyone want to come along?

Sad

Gram died today.


I'm sad...

My best friend is on her way here today. Woooohoooo! We leave to pick her up at the airport in a little while. I'm looking forward to seeing her and hanging out. She has never been to San Fran so we will go there and I'm sure she will freak out and take a ton of pictures. I just hope the rain clears up before we go. The big storm that was supposed to get here yesterday and never showed up. This morning the wind is whipping a bit and it obviously rained all night and looks as though it will continue throughout the day. A good day for looking at old photos by the fire and just catching up on life.

I started writing a story last week and then my computer was attacked by a virus and I ended up losing it all. It totally sucked knowing I had written so much and "poof!" it was gone. I also had about six months worth of journal that is gone as well. That hurt. Sometimes I just hate computers.

So we are watching a Klitschko fight and it is a horrible fight. They are tackling each other and the other guy is taking huge punches but does these weird things to get hooked up with Klitschko. Crazy! I found it interesting to look at the faces of the onlookers. Most of them are men, (no big surprise there) and the interesting part is watching their faces as they watch the fight. Some of them smile the whole time, some are serious, some yelling out, I just find it interesting.

Oh, I read this book by Nikki Sixx called The Heroin Diaries over the last two days. It was very interesting to see how he would lie to himself regarding his drug use. He constantly tried to control the way he would get clean until it killed him. It is amazing he is still alive. The amount of drugs he did and with what they were, it's just amazing. If you want to know what a rockers life while on drugs was like, read it. But it is xxx so be aware. You could also check out The Dirt.

Well, Klitschko won. No suprise there. Time to get moving.
Enjoy your day!

Life is Funny...ha, ha.

Working in drug recovery has been eye opening, inspiring, and painful. It has brought back many memories and gosts of the past. But I have learned a ton and have seen change within myself and most importantly, whithin the group I work with. The only bad part about this whole experience is that eventually it will come to an end and I will have to move on to another area of counseling.

Moving on to other things...

So I joined Joe in writing five pages a week and found it easy to come up with over five pages of story to write about the other night. I didn't even have any idea what I would put down on the paper, it just sort of spilled out. I am interested to see what all comes about. Then I will have to figure out what to do with it all.

Kenzie had a 24 hour flu this last week. I got home just in time to help her get to the bathroom to throw up. I felt so bad because as well all know, throwing up really sucks! It tears at my heart when my kids are sick and I can't do anything to fix it. Hopefully we all stay healthy and make it through the final leg of winter without any more sickness.

Gram is heavy on my heart as she is now unable to leave her bed. She sleeps most of the day away. I miss her and wish I was there with her so I could love on her some more.

Here is a little trivia info for President's Day...
President's Jackson and Garfield were both born in log cabbins.

That is all...

Finally after nagging for two years, my best friend is going to visit. I'm very excited to share all I have learned about this wonderful place we have been blessed to live in. We will go to the city one day, then the beach the next. It's going to be nice having her here and getting a chance to catch up on life.

In other news...
The last two nights I worked, I was able to facilitate the group meeting with my friend Rebecca. We played drug jeopardy the first night which was a lot of fun for us and the clients. Then the next time we talked about relapse. That was a very serious group meeting as there were some clients going through some deep emotions that night, but they shared a ton with us and I think we all walked away with something good.

I'm totally enjoying myslef working there, although sometimes I wonder if we are doing as well as we are told by some of the counselors. I have thought about asking for a part time job there for after the interning is done, but am not sure if it will work later on when I have to do another work experience. Not to mention that they might not want to hire me anyway. And I would have to make sure school with the girls came first before any of it all. I guess I just need to do more thinking and praying about all of that.

Today is my day off from everything! I think I will.....um....well....all I can think about is getting school work done and cleaning house. I think I need a new hobby.

Ant Saga Continues...

They are attacking! I am still not sure where they are coming from, but they are there and slowly multiplying. I have taken just about everything off of the counters, sprayed, laid traps, and still they appear. The professionals are going to come on Wednesday to do thier voodoo majic but I am not looking forward to another round of battle with the little ninja ants tomorrow morning. I worked out tonight in preperation for the event. I hope I can make it another day.

Tomorrow night I am facilitating a group and we are doing drug jeapordy! I will have to share more later.

The Ant Conclusion...

So after talking with my bestest friend, we came to the conclusion that the ants were either sick or at war with another colony and in need of some medical supplies. That would explain why they were in our medicine cabinet and not the pantry.

;)

Ants!!!

They are sneeky little bastards!

I got up this morning all ready for a nice quiet breakfast. My daily rutine includes taking meds and vitamins, so I went to the cabanet and found thousands of ants that seem to have come from no where just hanging around the medicine cabinet. What the hell?!?!

I looked and looked, but couldn't find out where they were comming from or even what they would be in there for. A party maybe? They are like little ninja ants or something too because they started taking off all crazy like. I cleaned them out, but now I feel compelled to clean out the pantry as well. It makes me itch just thinking about them. Maybe I will clean out that whole side of the house as well.

Not the greatest morning event I have had these days. Later I get to go pay rent and rant about the ants! I know chemicals aren't good for the environment, but I am having something done. And I am not paying for it this time.

Okay, I am done bitching!


I got to help facilitate a group meeting Tuesday night. We talked about Methamphetamines and what they do to the body.

"Chronic abuse can lead to psychotic behavior, including paranoia, insomnia, anxiety, extreme aggression, delusions and hallucinations, and even death."

And...

"Although these pleasure centers can heal over time, research suggests that damage to users' cognitive abilities may be permanent."

Interesting and informative. There is a great photo display of how Meth can change a person. Go to Google and look up "faces of meth" and you will get to see some real pictures of real meth users and how the drug changed them. It is just sad!

Cough! Sniffle...

I went on a road trip and all I got was a cold!

Not really. I also got to laugh my ass off watching my brother playing charades, listen to my sister pretend to be me on the phone to my best friend, see my beautiful niece and nephews, watch a pet snake eat a defenseless little mouse, play Rock Band, eat tons of awesome food that my dad made, and sleep in a winter wonderland.

I had a great weekend. Well worth the head full of snot. :)

I'm doing what?

I'm about to embark on a road trip with my dad and brother. I know, crazy, but it is their birthday's this month and they wanted to celebrate with a road trip to see my sister. To be honest I am not looking forward to it as I am fighting off the beginning of a cold and I am horrendously busy these days, but sometimes we just have to take a time out.

My day starts with a 4:30 wake up call tomorrow morning and I am not, I repeat, NOT a morning person. Thank God for coffee. Then, while I am trying to visit with family, I have a paper to write and some research to do. Yippee!

I don't mean to complain, I mean, I am thankful to be able to spend time with my father and siblings, it is just that they tend to treat me like shit most of the time. Part of me wonders why I agreed to go in the first place. Only God knows. Hopefully there will be enough of us there that I can kind of disappear before any focus comes to me. That would be the secret of my survival all of these years people. Now the secret is out.

Livin' La Vida Loca

Life has been on the crazy side lately. My days are filled and the work never ends, and for some reason, I am kind of glad. Not that I haven't had my plate full while working and home schooling in the past, but this time it is a little different somehow.

Anyway, I started last week on my internship working two nights out of the week. Both nights I found myself going through a mix of emotions. When I found myself with nothing specific to do, I would stand there questioning myself and my presence there. Yet when the people would come in for group, I would find myself feeling relaxed a bit, and totally engaged in listening to their stories while trying to think of ways to connect with them a little better. One unexpected outcome of all of this was memories of past events clicking into my mind, producing weird dreams and slight anxiety. I am hoping that eventually goes away but for now I keep moving forward.

I was told that I will be given my own group to work with pretty soon, and I am both looking forward to it and frightened at the same time. Today I plan on doing research on the twelve steps and other recovery material so I can be better prepared. This is going to be a wild and wonderful twelve week journey. Any advice would be helpful. :)

Cold

It is fricken cold! I am a desert rat, not a polar bear! Yes, I understand that I do not live in the arctic or anything, but still, I am cold all of the time during the winter here. Then, when we turn on the heat I just want to sleep all of the time because of the warmth and the darkness from the overcast days. It's driving me crazy!!

Okay, so now that I got that out I am feeling a bit better.

I start my work experience tonight and I am a bit nervous. I haven't had a paying job in almost five years and have no idea what to expect tonight. Um, I just remembered, I still won't have a paying job, this is an internship. Still, I am looking forward to it. I will have to write about my experience as it goes along. (As much as I can without violating confidentiality laws that is.)

Time to make some breakfast...

Huge Storm!!!!!

For those who wonder, we are fine and not floating away or being blown over or sliding down a hill. The wind is blowing hard, and the rain has not stopped, but so far so good. There are other places though, that are having problems. Problems with flooding, mud slides and power outages.

Oddly, I feel it is actually kind of nice to have weather that gives us a reason to make hot soup and drink hot cocoa. I really like hot cocoa. And I just might go out and buy an umbrella today. But at the same time I feel blessed to be warm and dry and safe and am praying for this storm to pass quickly and that no one gets hurt.

2008! Yes!

I am a big fan of starting over on a new year. To me, it really does feel like a nice new start to life, a time where one can take out the trash of the past and start the new year with a new clean bag for all that future trash to come. I can smell the freshness even now!

Today I accomplished a few things that made me feel good later. One was finally purchasing a new address book that isn't a day timer. The idea here is to have a book I don't have to throw out that has all of the important dates and information on family and friends in it. This way I don't lose them either.
Another accomplishment was going to shop for groceries and being able to pass up the cookies and other crap that we really don't need in our house. Although, I would love a cookie and a glass of milk right about now. Oh well.

I'm thinking about taking on a part time job soon at the local community counseling and medical center. I will be doing some work experience for school there anyway and thought I might look into working for them afterwards. My work experience will start in a couple of weeks and I will be working along side a counselor for a drug and alcohol program. They have groups for people who are court ordered to go, and groups for those who want to be there. It should prove to be an interesting four months to say the least and I am actually looking forward to it.

Christmas was fine. We spent a lot of time with family and that time flew by way too fast. It would have been nice to stay longer, but we have so much going on here that we had to get home. Our drive was great as there was very little traffic and we were not in a hurry so we took our time. We got home around just after 9pm on New Year's Eve and celebrated the new year with a confetti fight with the kids. All in all, a nice trip and a great ending to the year. We hope everyone had a wonderful holiday.

The kids will be starting school again next week. I have a study on the presidential election planned with hopes of bringing history into it in a way that won't be too boring. I also have a few vacations to plan that will include educational aspects. One trip is to Oregon for our niece's graduation from college. I'm looking forward to spending time there exploring and learning with the kids. We plan on taking a trip to Yosemite at some point as well.

I'm tired so I am off to bed.
May your dreams be big and your actions even bigger.