Saturday, January 31, 2004

Thanks Carder's for the fun!

Had the family over, and it was quick and painless. I love them, but have realized that I really can't hang with them the same way. I don't even look at them the same.

Anyway, we are almost finished with the patio.

Shad is watching a scary movie. I hate scary movies. They freak me out.

Thursday, January 29, 2004

Spain, parliamentary monarchy in southwestern Europe, occupying the greater part of the Iberian Peninsula, and bounded on the north by the Bay of Biscay, France, and Andorra; on the east by the Mediterranean Sea;on the south by the Mediterranean Sea and the Atlantic Ocean.
-Encyclopedia Article Encarta


We have a lot to learn on Spain in just a little time. How fun!!! It is a home school thing we are doing. I am probably more excited than the girls. Oh well.

Wednesday, January 28, 2004

Sad

My very good friend's father passed away yesterday. MacKenzie overheard me tell Hailey that he died of cancer and she said "That guy better say he is sorry!" I asked "What guy?" She replied "That cancer guy, he better say he is sorry!"

Tuesday, January 27, 2004

Had a dream, heard violin music. Woke up with a song in my head. Don't ask me what song, couldn't tell you.

Monday, January 26, 2004

Just a thought

Why don't we all help each other? I don't mean just the friends we choose to hang with, but everyone? Why must we go around pretending to not see, or to not have the ability to help one another? We all need help, all of us, so why can't we just admit it, and admit that we have the ability to help each other and then act on it? Is our time so precious that we can't take a moment out? Isn't it God's time? And if it is, shouldn't we be using it to do God's work, not our own? I am so guilty of this, and it weighs on my heart. I see people, they need help, and I ignore, or I find an excuse, then try to find ways to justify the dumb excuses. How blessed we really are to have a father who loves us pathetic creatures.

Saturday, January 24, 2004

Today was so good, and it was happy, and it still is.

You cannot hope to give to others what you have not received from God himself. One anothering begins on the inside. -Jacobson

To love another person is to see the face of God - Les Miserables

Living in God's love is the first step to one anothering.-authentic relationships

Friday, January 23, 2004

Christmas in January

We had a dinner, a Christmas dinner tonight for a place I work for. We did a gift exchange, and I have to admit, I was greedy and went for the coffee cup with the Starbucks gift card in it. Shame on me. ........... Anyone for coffee tomorrow?

Smile

The sun is shining! The air is clear (for the moment) and the birds are singing. There is a light wind in the air (God) and you are alive! You are loved. We all are.

Awareness + desire + decision + action = RESULTS

Thursday, January 22, 2004

Seems like a lot of people are going through some STUFF these days. Yet, aren't we always going through STUFF every day? It seems to me that it is just how you look at the STUFF, and how you react to it, and weather or not you accept it or not, or, well, just what am I trying to say? Who knows. I look at depression differently now, probably because I medicate myself so that I don't go there. But being out of it, looking back on it, it seems that it should be possible to exercise and laugh and pray yourself out of it. But that didn't work for me, I ended up accepting the medication, embracing it with the hope that one day I will be able to look back at the STUFF and clearly see a way to deal with it better, then get off the medication and deal. At least that is my plan, yet who knows if it will work. As for now I behave like a drone, doing the same drug routine every morning, and pray that the people still having a hard time with their STUFF will somehow, in a healthy way, find peace.

Wednesday, January 21, 2004

Funny thing, I had this pain in the back of my head, and there was a spot that felt bruised, and so I figured that MacKenzie must have hit me in the head the other night while sleeping,(yes, she still sneaks into bed with us at night on occasion) and then this morning, it is gone. If it were a bruise, wouldn't I still feel it?

Tuesday, January 20, 2004

Church

My answer to the question tonight was "I wake up in the morning." But I didn't want to fully share that. That kind of sharing would result in an explanation. That is between me and God.

Dave quoted a passage, well, spoke of a passage from 2Corinth. and when I went there and read it, I was struck with the thought that I should share it with Shad. He will probably get mad, but I trust, therefore I share. :) Thanks Dave.
Floating in the air, I see the earth below. The breeze is cool and crisp and the clouds, I love the clouds, so fluffy and white. I just want to wrap my self in them and feel their softness.

OOps, slipped. Time to go.

Sunday, January 18, 2004

Just a thought

I am feeling like a fool. Whenever someone I care for is not doing that well in the emotional department, I end up opening my big mouth about medicine. Why? Who knows, I am really concerned for my friends, but don't really know how to fully be there. What good can I do? I tend to try to replace their sadness with humor, but it doesn't always work. Can't God just cure their sadness? Yes, but then what would they have learned? How do I know? What good would it do for God to cure everything and heal us all? We would never need Him, and a life without Him would really suck.

Saturday, January 17, 2004

Last night I decided to have two of my nieces, and one nephew stay the night. We played games, and then talked a lot about sharing. I had a great time even though I had little sleep. It is so great to see the kids all growing up and learning about God and life together. They have disagreements and then five minutes later they laugh and play, forgetting all about the spat they had. They don't hold grudges, they live, learn and love.

I heard this song, and it said something about opposites attracting, and I thought "how could we deny God, He is so good, and we are so opposite of what He is. It is only natural that we would be attracted to Him. He had to make it this way. We just make it hard to accept Him BECAUSE we are so opposite."

Okay, did that make any sense at all?

I just think these things sometimes. Right now I am thinking that I should go out and take the dog for a walk so I can get some exercise. I really need it and so does the dog. Walking is good, walking is good..........

Thursday, January 15, 2004

I think I have figured out that I am right where God wants me. We all are. So, life is good.

I need help in the organize your house department. It is all starting to almost stress me out a bit. Just how do those people on TV get their homes so organized and clutterless?(Is that a word?) It must be some kind of fake thing right, I mean, who lives like that anyway? That kind of organization can't be healthy.

Time to go try to organize my two jobs. They are overtaking my bedroom!!! If you don't see me at church this weekend, I have been buried in a pile of forms and files and can't get out!
Send help!

Wednesday, January 14, 2004

Some how I can't seem to figure out what I want to do in life. I see so many people going after their dreams, and I can't even figure out what mine would be. Sounds silly right? Silly but true. I feel like I drift around watching everything around me, not participating, watching.

I know what you are thinking, quit your whining! Okay.

Tuesday, January 13, 2004

Just a quick note. I have to get into the shower. I stink, and you can probably tell right? Sorry. I worked out, and worked in. (actually work stuff and gym stuff) and I never knew we had so much laundry!!! I realized today that we are going to have to stop living so wasteful. So I am trying to get rid of some things, and come up with ideas on how to re-use things, and so on. Time to let go of some CD's.

Shad will be here soon. Time for dinner. Oops, and a quick shower. Pew!!!!

Sunday, January 11, 2004

I hurt. Yes, all over. Eight hours of working on the Carder Ranch, although, my part was very small compared to most who were there. I can't even imagine how they are feeling today. The yard looks great, and I am glad to have been a part of it, even a small part. Dave is really great at designing a yard.

This hurt brings me to remember just how out of shape I am, and I feel the need to start taking better care of myself. Tomorrow night is gym night. Whoo hoo! I really want to like working out, but haven't found that yet. My goal is to work out every night this week. Baby steps.

Friday, January 09, 2004

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away.................

So, I have this sick feeling in my gut, and no it is not from eating too much. Shad gets home tonight, and I have not finished all of the projects I wanted to finish before he got home. However, I have finished some, so that counts I guess. I also have to tell him how much money I spent this week while he was gone. He knows about some of it, but not all of it. Why do I do these things to myself?

Mary Kay is my issue this week. I have a party in two weeks, and I need orders. I need to start providing some income to the family, so pray for me. By the way, God rocks!!!

Tuesday, January 06, 2004

God really does everything in His own time you know. I see a lot of lessons in the making, and have learned many over the last years. It seems as though there will always be a lesson to learn. Have you learned anything today? I bet you have. You probably did and didn't even pay attention to it. I am an expert at ignoring the lessons and have even gone out of my way to try to ignore them, yet God is always right there in control as always, and re-directs me. How grateful we should be to Him for all His works in the world. Loving such pitiful people as us.

Sunday, January 04, 2004

I was trying to remember my new phone number, and wrote down a number I haven't called or thought of in years. It is a number that belongs to the parents of a very close family friend.

His father is dying of cancer, and I have avoided seeing the family because of selfish reasons. I love these people dearly, and my heart grieves for them but I watched two of my uncles suffer and then die of cancer. The reality of it all still hurts too much. I long to be there for them, to have something comforting to say, but what could I say?

I heard that the family was keeping him home as per his wishes which were to die at home with his family around him. His death will be a horrible one as he will eventually bleed to death. I pray that God will make them strong so that they will be able to comfort him when this time arrives. I pray that he will find peace quickly. Prayers seem all I can offer right now.

I fear death, and yet, at other times.......I just don't understand it. Why are we so afraid to be happy with what God has provided us? Why be scared of something that brings us to Him? Perhaps to keep us from trying to take charge over a situation that belongs in God's hands. We should be living life for Him, doing His will, and not worrying about meaningless stuff. God provides us with exactly what we need. No less, no more. And here I sit questioning His will? So little faith.

I will go see them tomorrow. Give them hugs, and pray with them for peace in their hearts. God will guide me with the right words, or actions. Faith.