I just listened to this song, thought I would share.

Every time I look at you the world just melts away
All my troubles, all my fears dissolve in your affections
You've seen me at my weakest but you take me as I am
and when I fall you offer me a softer place to land

You stay the course you hold the line you keep it all together
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in
Your all the things that I desire you save me you complete me
You're the one true thing I know I can believe

I get mad so easy but you give me room to breathe
No matter what I say or do 'cause you're too good to fight about it
Even when I have to push just to see how far you'll go
You won't stoop down to battle but you never turn to go

There are times I can't decide when I can't tell up from down
You make me feel less crazy when otherwise I'd drown
But you pick me up and brush me off and tell me I'm OK
Sometimes that's just what we need to get us through the day

-Sarah McLachlan

So I realized that the journey is never ending, until you come to the day that you meet The Creator face to face. And the goal is to learn to love one another. It is that simple. Love God, love yourself, love others. It is not easy, and we are tested over and over. I have also come to realize that there is nothing in my life that could cause me as much suffering as Jesus went through for us. We are blessed in more ways than we are aware. We are such simple creatures, created by God out of love, to love.

Saw the movie.

Can't say what I thought.

I cried, and then cried hard later.

It is something you will just have to see for yourself.

Chuck E. Cheese, is he a rat? We played there today, for about three hours, and it was wonderfully insane. Screaming children everywhere, concerned parents loosing their child, pizza, soda, lights and music, just a huge room of insanity. I loved it, and we had a great time.

I think I have whiplash or something. My neck hurts bad and I am now popping motrin regularly. Perhaps I should go to the doctor? Oh, but where is the fun in that? The pain reminds me of the wonderful time we had. Anyone up for a trip to the mountains to watch me fly down a mountain and try to break my neck? It was worth it.

The journey begins.

It was beautiful and peaceful. Snow gliding down silently to rest on the ground, and to see the wonder and excitement in their eyes. Sigh...........Magnificent! We traveled up the road looking for the perfect spot, and suddenly, there it was. All full of fresh powder with not even the slightest mark. And thus the true adventure began.

Wonderful laughing sounds emerged from all around me. Yes, and even from within.

Then, there was the trip down the huge hill that threw me over the jump that planted me hard against the frozen ground head first. I love sliding in the snow on a plastic saucer.

It could be said that for just a moment, I left all of my fears behind, forgot my age and size and behaved like a child. It was wonderful to live again. A trip I will never forget.

I have decided to take a break from things. God is directing me to go on a journey. Don't ask, I can't elaborate, all I know is that last night I had a very long talk with God and I'm now embarking on the journey.

I will update as I am able.

Grrrrr!

Why must I be so irritated by my mother? God love her, she gets on my nerves. I am lucky to have these moments with her, yet they are so difficult to take at times. She is so not living her life, but rather living through other peoples lives, and it hurts to see and hear. I don't spend much time with her, and it is usually on purpose. Some moments are better than others and there are times when I feel hopeful that my time with her might help her in some way. Yes, I am sick in the head, y'all know that already.

I want her to live her life and enjoy it. I want her to find someone she can love, who will love her back. I want her to know God. Is that so bad? She has suffered through so much in her life, both by choice and by circumstances beyond her control. I don't like watching her create her own unhappiness. It really sucks. Always has, always will.

On to other new. Shad took me to see Wayne Brady last night. What an awesome show! I don't think we have laughed that hard in a very long time. Mr. Brady is a very talented man, and the king of Improve in my book. Don't tell Joe.

Listening to Coldpay, feeling better, doing house cleaning, and thinking too much about my life. Perhaps I should just blog instead. But wait, Gram just called.......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................Okay, so that was fun. I really need to talk to her more often. She just brings so much joy into my life. No, I am not joking, she is great. She's 81, almost 82 and runs around like a crazy woman, shopping, and gambling, and playing poker.

I am sick. This sucks. So I missed out on house church last week and I can't miss this week, but if I get any worse off I will have to. I really don't like being sick because it just feels bad and then I feel like I have to complain. Who wants to hear any of that? I don't either.

Life is interesting. Why do we judge others the way we all do? That sucks too. Oh, happy birthday to Jack. That doesn't suck.

I have watched four movies in the last two days and for me, that is a lot. I feel movied out. However, I have to suck it up and save some strength for the day of love as we will be doing just what I love most. Yep, a movie after dinner. I am sure it will have blood and guts, language of the distasteful persuasion and creepy freaky elements that gross me out. It's all in the name of love though.

I prayed this week and weekend for the Citizens as they begin a new life with one more Citizen to care for. Don't get me wrong, I have no idea if the baby has decided to arrive yet, as I really don't talk to them much. (Just the occasional hello here and there) but I read Cheryl's blog and could sympathize. Toss a prayer their way, I am sure they could use it.

So, I took a nap and woke up feeling much better. I have worked out two nights in a row and now I can't sleep. So I did the dishes, went grocery shopping, and started the laundry. Now I am sitting here wondering what to do with the rest of my energy. Tomorrow is cleaning day, and I will probably have all of my stuff done before the light of day. Will I ever just be satisfied? I pray for that. So I guess I will just sit here and ramble on and on, and maybe there will be a sudden thought in my brain that will travel to my fingers so that I may type it out. Or, maybe not. I miss my friends, and hanging out. I need to put together a movie night. Hey, was that a random thought? I suppose it was. So now what? I am listening to Teddy Pendergrass. I have discovered that I just love music from the 1970's. Like, all of it. For sure. Oh, wait, that is 80's. Sorry, Totally groovy music man. Far out!


Okay, I guess I need to go do something else. I am bored with this.

Frustration

I am upset, and I don't like being this way. I get knots in my stomach, and I feel like yelling at someone, or just throwing something. One minute it is okay, then the next it is, "I changed my mind" so what can I do but feel like screaming?! Why is it such a big deal anyway. Because of my girls. It is for them, and now it is on hold once again. Why do I always feel like it has to be right now? Where are my patience? Do I have any? Some times I think I do, yet on days like today, I don't. Yes, I am complaining, but only because I can't punch the one I love. And would that help? No, but it would feel good.

Fine, I will go read or something. Or perhaps spit.

I am falling off of the diet wagon!!!!!! Someone help me!!!

Okay, so I suck at dieting. Me and millions of others. What is new? WEll, the fact that I really want to lose weight and feel better. So, now that I have confessed, and whined, I guess I will go to the gym.