Thursday, May 15, 2008

Want to Ride the Roller Coaster?

So there I was in a room with three fellow counselors the other day and we start going over the different clients in the program and suddenly I was given a case load of five clients to start working with. Now, I have been getting some training over the last couple of weeks, but this took me by surprise as I was not expecting it to happen this soon. I have been struggling this whole time with finding a way to relate to these teens I am working with, and my head has been spinning every night. I've bought books, searched the web and just done all I could think of to prepare myself and educate myself. I've been getting up early and going to bed at 1:30am every night since I have started working. I've been a little stressed out to put it kindly. But when I heard that they were giving me a case load and learned more about these kids, I was in a panic. I kept telling myself that it would be alright but I kept hearing this voice in my head asking me how I was going to relate with these kids.

Well, I pushed that little voice right over and decided to take action and made a meeting with one of my new clients. I met with him and it went alright, then met with mom and dad and that went alright too. The case is a huge mess but I was feeling okay when I left, but still, something just wasn't right. Since it was my anniversary, I decided to let the days events go. I was not going to take work home with me. And the rest of my night I felt great, like I had really accomplished something. And I slept like a rock. The first bit of good sleep I have had in a long time. And then it happened.

I woke up today in a panic. I think I even began having an anxiety attack. All I could think was "I am not the right fit for the teen program" and "I should be working with the adults, not the kids." Like I said, things have been going fine, but I couldn't get these thoughts out of my head and suddenly I realized that I had to call someone and talk about what was going on in my head. So of course I called my best friend and husband and he helped me calm down. After we talked I decided to just take the day to think about things. I realized that I was certain I was in the wrong place, and I knew that if I was going to do anything about it, now was the time. If I wait any longer it will be bad for these kids. After I made the attempt to open and dial the number about twenty times, I finally made the call to my boss and talked to him about it all. He said he would take care of it and that I would just be rolled over to the adult program. Now, I have to deal with going in tomorrow and explaining myself to the teen counselors and pray that things go smoothly. It is going to be an uncomfortable situation to say the least, but tonight I feel as though a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders, and I am not stressed out at all. This has been one major roller coaster ride.

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