Help!

My computer is freaking out!!! I keep having pop ups and other crap. It is very frustrating and pisses me off.

So, I feel stressed. I have a lot on my plate these days and I am not getting things done in an organized manner. I can't seem to get a routine going. I am aggravated. I think I could use some help, but from who? I am stress eating all of the time, and I feel like running away. Can I just quit? Maybe go away to the beach or the mountains. Hide out like a hermit for a week or two or three.

Color my hair, change my name and move to the Bahamas.

What comes around...........

So a very long time ago, back in the 80's I broke my leg, and my mother took a whole afternoon of convincing to take me to the hospital. Finally when she did, she was told my leg was broke and we had to see an orthopedic specialist. Finally, the end result was surgery. My mother was convinced in the beginning that I was wrong about my leg being broken, and then I was made fun of the whole time.

Well, yesterday my mother broke her arm. She was convinced it was just a dislocated shoulder, but no, it was broken. Now she has to go see an orthopedic specialist, and possibly have surgery. Did I remind her of that oh so long ago time back in the 80's when I was made fun of? You better believe it!! But in a much nicer way.

Life sure is strainge. Last night I had a dream that I was with a few people who were trying to get away from this crazy guy who wanted to kill us all. We hid in a room, and I tried to keep him from getting inside, but he managed to get in. He was with a bunch of other people who were waiting for him, and he told us to stay out of site and he would let us live. He then started shooting and making a mess of the place and then left. We were so afraid of being killed. When we were finally able to leave the house, we were still worried about being seen by the others who were with him. I kept wanting to stay in a closet with the door to my back so that I knew no one was behind me. Weird!

The wind is whipping today, and I am not about to go out for anything unless it is super important. But that means the girls will have to stay in today as well. I see a very cool art project in our future. Something big and that can hang on the wall. Or we could start painting MacKenzie's room today. Or we could clean the house and organize things. Or we could watch a movie with some popcorn and soda. Or we could play games. Or we could...................................

Hi

Feeling down last night, I decided to go work out at ten. I was there for an hour and had a good workout. I will probably go again tonight. I think I have to be one of the worst friends around these days. I don't like the fact that my lack of self discipline, and ignorant nature causes friction in my relationships. I am selfish and uncaring at times, and very lazy about certain responsibilities. A very poor role model for my children these days.

The first step is admitting you have a problem.


Pray for Kristy - she is loosing her mind on drugs, and is now homeless.

I just shoveled rock for twenty minutes and now I feel like an old woman. Don't ask me to explain.

I was thinking about music. I love it. All of it. Well, most of it. It fills me with emotion and I like that.

Well, where have I gone today? Perhaps one step further, yet not all that far.

We have a new bed. We broke down and got a good one so that we won't have to keep spending money on junk every year. This one should last us a very long time. The thing is huge, but so very comfortable. Oh what things we take for granted in this life.

Wait..

Although, it isn't about what you do, it is about trust. Do I trust? Do you? It is all so confusing yet so simple. Is it? I need some time to pray things through and just let go. But then is that going to help me? Or is that a lack of trust?

Perhaps I need, no, THAT would be a lack of trust. Just accept.

AArrrrggg

So I have been having this problem with questioning my reasons for going to India, and then I just talked myself into the answer, or well, into the light. God is so good at that. I suck at follow through because I fear failure. You don't fail if you don't do, however I know that is the lie I tell myself. In reality, if you don't "live a courageous life" then you aren't even trying and then you really are failing. So, I totally get this in my head. I am trying to talk myself out of going so that I won't fail. However, I failed to realize that I would figure it out, so my plan has failed. Follow me?

Reading a book

Have you read The Five People You Meet In Heaven?

What?

Can't hear you, I have my head in the clouds. The wind has been blowing them right by me, and for some reason, I find my self lost in them. How tranquil it is to wonder around, oblivious to the signs God puts in my way. Tranquil until I fall back to reality, WHAM!!!! And find that my world has been turned up-side-down and all due to my own ignorance. Life is grand!

So, that is where I am at right now. Realizing that I have had my head in the clouds about some things, and I know now that I must deal with these demons or suffer a worse fate. All things are possible with God. Pray for me.

How weird it is to realize that someone might actually read the thoughts that spill out of my brain.

I sit here this morning wondering if I am doing the right things in my life. How do I know if I am following the right path? Faith.

I Love Shad!!!

I love my husband. He has set up my office so that I can email and blog and everything else right here. I even have a nice screen so I don't go blind!! He loves me, he really loves me!!

Okay, so enough of that crap. I have a ton of work to do, so I am out of here.

Happy Birthday Joe! (belated)

Why do I .....

Why do I open my big mouth and give my opinion about anything?

Oh well, I guess I am stuck. So, my dad called today and asked me if I had seen The Passion movie and I told him yes, and he said he didn't want to, and well, it started a conversation between the two of us about God. Something that we have never spoken of to each other before. Weird, but cool at the same time.

My dog loves Frosty Paws. I think she is addicted. We picked some up at the store the other day and every time I open the freezer, she sits and starts licking her chops while giving me that look of desperation. I love my dog. She is my fatty dog and so cute!!!

I have a party on the first of May which I am happy about because this will help me with my funds for India. There has been some support trickling in, and we are so grateful for that. My father even said he would send some funds which is funny because he totally thinks it is dumb for me to want to go there. One day he might understand. I won't lose any sleep over it.

My dog is wanting to play, so I have to go. She keeps nudging my arm with her cold wet nose. Oh, now she is pouting.

I can see.

I visited my eye doctor today for a follow up to my laser redo on my right eye. I see so good now, and what a blessing it is. I'm even having trouble driving because I want to just look at everything I could see before. I guess it is time to get the license change.

There seems to be a lot of confusion going on about church service. If church is church no matter where you have it, doesn't that mean that it is okay if some like to have it at a special place, at a special time and some don't? And what is all of the confusion about the children and classes?

I suppose I am very clueless about it all, but it seems to me that when we have children, it is our obligation and God given duty to raise them to the best of our ability to be God loving individuals. Not anyone else's job, but ours. Why is it so hard for us to accept the responsibility? It is my opinion that we have been programmed by our parents with what they were taught. So really, we continue those lessons we feel were useful to us, and change the ones we feel didn't work. We can't be judging others on they way they choose to raise their kids, we can only choose to raise ours the way we feel is best and trust that God is in charge. So what if some people don't gather in one place on the same day of every week at the same time. Perhaps they are having church in another way some place else at that moment in time. God only knows. I think we can only do what we feel led to by God and know that we are doing His will in our work and life.

But that is just my opinion and thought for the day. I could change my mind later and have another opinion tomorrow. My God given right.

And................What do I know?

Wooohoooo!

Just felt the need.

Well, today was a productive day, but I still have so much to do. I need to take in some extra work or something to make my money for my trip. God will provide the answer.

We have had a good school day so far. Both girls are whining only ever so slightly.

Well, there is just so much excitement that a person can handle, so I guess I will go.

blessings to everyone, and to all a good night. Uh, what ever.

What is there to do on a rainy day? How about painting with little ones and then P.E. with a gym full of screaming home schoolers. It was fun.

My eye feels tired. I have been feeling so good that I think I might have over done it a bit. I woke up today with my eye feeling like it was glued shut and now I am seeing a little foggy. Not like the last few days. Perhaps I just need to keep in mind that while it doesn't hurt, it is still healing. Maybe I just need a nap. Then, well, some music and then another nap.

Yes, I must nap.