Wednesday, March 31, 2004

God is funny sometimes. I was all upset and stressed out over things for some reason, and then I hear just what I needed to hear to understand that God is in control and I am in the right direction.

I received a call from one of my sister-in-laws and she was very supportive of our India trip. It feels good to hear that it is supported by most. I am getting more letters out tomorrow. It is on my list of priorities for tomorrow. I hope tonight wasn't the night of the Girls Party night thing because if it is, I am so missing it.

I have a ton of things to get done and I am so tired.

Sunday, March 28, 2004

God is pointing to India

Well, after much prayer, I have decided to take the job of chaperone on the "Middle Schoolers Teaching and Coaching in India" trip. It will be me and Susie and seven of her students/basketball team girls on a wild ride to India and back. I am very excited and anxious to get things rolling. The first job is done. We have made our letters to send out asking for financial support. The rest is up to God. We need a total of $18,000 to get us all there. Obviously we need a ton of prayer as this is a huge goal to shoot for by mid July. If anyone is interested in finding out how to help support our efforts to give seven girls ( and two adults) a once in a life time educational chance, you can email me at smatheny1@cox.net and I will send you a copy of our letter.

In the meantime I have lots of letters to get out to family and friends to let them in on our plans. I am so excited to be able to do this, and to have the opportunity to learn about and share the culture of India.

Saturday, March 27, 2004

Yoga Rocks!

Had my first yoga class today and it was wonderful. I first read a book on it because I felt that I should know more about it before I busted in on a session. It was great to hear the positioning names and know what they were talking about. I have finally found the exercise I like and possibly love to do. I am going again soon. I knew that there had to be an exercise I would like out there somewhere in the world.

Shad is doing his own thing today which is a major change from every other weekend. Kind of nice and bizarre at the same time. We usually spend our time together on the weekends doing stuff. I get to shut the television off and blast the music. Oh happiness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Movie night is here tonight. It should be fun. I feel the need to clean something.............................................................................................................................See ya.

Friday, March 26, 2004

My mom just had her birthday today. She is 60. Mom dresses like she is an 80 year old most of the time, so today for her birthday, I dyed her hair and put make up on her and styled her hair. I even told her that she is beautiful. For those who know me and read this, you know what a big deal that is. Then my brother and I took her to dinner.

I feel large and lazy. Oh, right, I am.

I just totally erased my last thought because I was not willing to share. How selfish of me. You will get over it I am sure. I know I did. My dog is feeling alone these days because we have not been home much. Yes, there are some guilty feelings, however, I can make it up to her by taking her on a walk tomorrow morning. She loves to drag me around the block. She is so funny when she is mad.


Life is like a large plate of pasta, you figure it out.

Thursday, March 25, 2004

Spit!

Have you ever felt the need to walk out and spit? I feel like that today. Like I have a huge phlegm to just get out. Not an actual phlegm in my mouth that traveled from my nose to my throat, but like an irritation that just needs to leave.

Anyway, last night I ended up at the Canyon Ridge service again while waiting on my daughter. They said something that I never realized before. I have never put that much thought into it really, but anyway, it was that all religions are about what you DO and that Christianity is about what has been DONE. (This is something someone wrote about, can't remember who) Like you have to pray this way to be blessed, and you have to do this or that to receive blessings, but in Christianity you come to realize that Jesus already did what needed to be done for everything you have done and will do, so now it is time to love and learn to be a community of God loving people doing His will in the world. Just thought that was super interesting.

Today I will be painting a room with sky and trees and hills of grass, flowers and Power Puffs. Yes, I said Power Puffs. My daughter will sketch them on the wall and I will paint them. Under her direction of course. I am looking forward to Movie night, the house should be quit a mess. It is all in the name of love baby!

Monday, March 22, 2004

School time!

We are learning about Spain. Not because of anything that has happened lately, but because we picked Spain for our "Trip Around the World in a Day" project. I found these really great sounding recipes that I want Hailey to make, and we found this cool web site that had pictures of Pasetas all the way from 1800 to 1996. Now they use the Euro, but I think that the Pasetas were much more beautiful and detailed. Anyway, we have a few pictures getting blown up as well. All in all, for not having a clue as to what we are truly doing, I think we are doing alright. We are quickly running out of time, and I don't think we have taken enough time in studying all that we should have. But then, that is the great thing about Home Schooling so I am learning. We can take as much time as we want on a subject and bring everything into it.

The girl's beds will be here tomorrow!!!! I am so excited as this means I get to paint and decorate. Shad is certainly thrilled. Yes, that was a joke. I am going to do Hailey's room first. It will be the easiest I think. Anyone know anything about making curtains? I am sure it can't be that hard. I will have to borrow my mom's sewing machine. Although that could be dangerous. I have never used one before. How hard can it be?

I think I have finally found the right color to finish off my living room painting. Shad doesn't know it yet, but I am going to paint the rest of the living room while he is gone. He will be so happy when he gets back. Yes, that was another joke. Not the part about me painting, the other part, well, you get it.



Saturday, March 20, 2004

All in His name

We went, we smelled, and we conquered. I was filled with many different emotions as we were taking garbage bag, after garbage bag out of the dim, stench filled trailer that had been called home to a beautiful six year old and her drug addicted mother. At times, I had to just bite my tongue and remember that this is God's agenda, and He is in control of the situation. It is hard to believe that this little girl is just one of millions who live this way. Luckily this girl, for now, doesn't have to live in filth anymore. But what happens now? I can't help but feel like there must be more I could do.

What happens when this mother tries to take her child to another filth hole? I know, it is not up to me to fix this, yet I long to do so. I need prayer, but this family needs it more than I do. Pray that God protects this child, and that His will is done.

Thursday, March 18, 2004

Bummer

Only one person I know has volunteered to help me with my cleaning project for my family in need on Saturday, and it is a maybe at best for her. I have a feeling that I might end up being the only one to show up and help with this issue. But, that is alright because I know that this is the direction God is guiding me in. This whole experience has been such a blessing all around. I have to organize some tools I will need, and prepare for the possibility of being a loner on this one. God is so good. As for other things in my life, well, they all seem to be falling into place since I starting really just focusing on God and His path. It feels really good. I had a dream last night that I walked in to my room and Shad was kneeling down, praying.

India has been more and more on my mind these days. I am not sure I am the right one to go. I want to, but then I wonder if it is for the right reasons. I know I want to help, but then, there is this fear inside that tells me I might be trying to follow my plan and not God's. Perhaps I am to help others get to go, and that is to be my involvement only. I need to pray about this a lot more. I miss Susie. I wonder what she is doing this Saturday??? :)

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

Happy luck-o-the Irish to ya!!!

I am tired. The last two days of running around taking care of others has wiped me out. But it has strengthened my heart as well. It feels good to help others. To see the smile on their faces and to hear them thank God for the help. I hope that they remember that it is God, and not me, that they should be thanking. He's the one in charge.

I still don't know how I will come up with enough people to help with the clean up. I have only had one response to my email. I guess I just need to leave it in God's hands. If I end up the only one there, so be it.

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

God has given me the chance to do His work by helping a family in need. I talk to them about God, and right in front of my mother. :) Yes, she has been witness to all that God is providing lately. It feels good. We are actually getting closer while this is going on. Weird!!!!!

Just thought I would throw out there that I need help cleaning a trailer on Saturday, so if anyone actually reads this, and knows who I am, and would like to donate a few hours on Saturday morning to clean up a trashed trailer, call me.

Saturday, March 13, 2004

Sad stuff

My mother took in a long time family friend and her grand-daughter. These people have nothing but the clothes on their backs right now. I took over what I had in the way of clothes for the little girl, but was so angry when I left. How this little girl's mother can be so, well, I am not the one to judge am I. It makes me mad though. I want to be able to fix it, but know that I can't. I am going to try to make it a point to hang out over there as much as possible so that the little girl will have kids to play with. She is so lonely and has been through so much. This is the kind of situation that makes me question God's motives. But I know that the plan is way larger than I can see. Pray for this girl. She needs it, as well as so many others out there in the world with drug addicted parents.

Wow, God rocks! So I am sitting there bitching at my mom about not taking care of herself and then it hits me. Where are my priorities? And the realization comes, my health is Crap!!! So, I started working out again, and am trying very hard to take better care of myself. I went to this 30min cardio thing and it kicked my ass! Yes, I said ass! What of it?

So, here I sit with my soar muscles and eating an apple telling you about my bad health. Why? Because I can.

Thursday, March 11, 2004

Okay, so I just received word that my mom is going into the hospital. My first thought? Here we go again. Cold? I guess, I just can't feel sorry for her. I love her, and if anything ever happened to her it would really suck, but we go through this a lot lately. So after talking to Shad, I have decided that I better get a little more concerned and be caring to her just as I would to any other friend or family member. She is my mother, and she is a creation of God.

Okay, so I just received word that my mom is going into the hospital. My first thought? Here we go again. Cold? I guess, I just can't feel sorry for her. I love her, and if anything ever happened to her it would really suck, but we go through this a lot lately. So after talking to Shad, I have decided that I better get a little more concerned and be caring to her just as I would to any other friend or family member. She is my mother, and she is a creation of God.

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

Help!

Okay so I sat and thought, why are we all so fake to one another? Why can't we just be who we are and not worry about what others think? We all do it, get that little voice in our heads that question everything we do. I want to grab that little thing and poke it's eyes out some days. Other days I try to focus on other, more positive things. Okay, so you are probably thinking I am crazy right? See, that is an example of what I am talking about. Who cares what you think of me, it is what God thinks that matters. If he thinks I am crazy, then I am, if you think I am, too bad.

Okay, so I am a little on the bizarre side today. I am cooped up in my house, and we can't get out because of the sun burn issue. I suppose it makes a great day for Spring Cleaning. I feel the need to create something.

Caught up in the moment
Faces all around
Blur into oblivion
Around me only sound
Images caught inside my head
unable to extract
colorful excitement
Beautiful visions
creative anticipation
longing for the ability to let it all out
How will it happen
Where and when

When for Him and no one else
it will flow like water
accept it
embrace it
For it is His will

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

Dude! I am so tired of being afraid of things. So, I quit!

And just like that it all goes away.

For the moment I am free of fear, and on the road to success, happiness, love ...........................
I am a master booker! Did you know that? I am, and I love it. I am working as a Senior Consultant now, and that is way cool. That means that I have a team member who I am training and who I keep in constant contact with regarding her business. I help her make decisions, and help with her questions about the business we are in. I give her ideas, and we spend time learning from one another. It feels great to be in a business that helps others to help others. It is a slow process right now, but with perseverance, and dedication, it will blossom and bloom into a very successful and profitable career. And I don't just mean profitable in money terms, I mean profitable in feeling successful, having time with my family, being able to stay home with my family while I work, tax deductions, being my own boss, getting to meet wonderful people who I learn from and who learn from me, getting to help people take better care of themselves, and helping them to be happy. So I pat myself on the back, and let go of fear so that I may continue to succeed in my Mary Kay business, and then some.

Wow, that feels good. Bring it on!

Monday, March 08, 2004

We went to the mountain today to try snow boarding. I ended up sitting with MacKenzie while she threw a fit, and watched Hailey ski for the first time in her life. She did great and then wouldn't leave. Shad did great too. Then, we all came home and realized we have red faces. Shad and Hailey have the worst burns. It was fun though.

I would do it again.

Sunday, March 07, 2004

The kids are freaking out! They keep crying and being whinny and stuff. It is like they are going threw something. This not normal for them. I wonder what's up? I am missing church tonight so that the girls can get to bed early. Shad is going though, and I am very happy about that. He needs some time out and away I think.

I guess I need to go, I have a request for some music.

Friday, March 05, 2004

I have a new nephew. Well, second cousin really, but that part is a long story. His name is Jonathan Charles Porter and I haven't gotten to see him as of yet. I bet he is cute though. I will have to go visit him tomorrow.

I went to this workshop tonight and it was a lot of fun. Lots of information, and lots of laughs.

My head hurts. The eyes are starting to get heavy. sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!

Wednesday, March 03, 2004

Hello! So I went to this church tonight, well, not intentionally, but because I was waiting for someone, and well, I got bored. So anyway, I went in during the service and felt like I was in a time warp. It was like I had walked into what Apex would have been like if we had kept on chugging down the road we had started from. It was weird, and it made me laugh out loud which I think might have disturbed the people around me that were praying. It just came out. God knew what happened, so I am okay with it.

My life is changing, and it is great. I don't understand it all, but I am feeling very free these days. I am getting more and more organized, yet can't seem to keep up the schedule I set up for myself. Isn't that funny? I see love in every place I look. Weird.

We might go learn to snow board this Monday. Pray for me that I don't break something. Oh, and I am going to start painting again. How ya like me now?

Tuesday, March 02, 2004

Thinking about going to India this summer. It has been on my mind a lot and perhaps it is something I need to do. So far the family seems supportive, so there is just the issue of raising enough money. There is also the issue of my job which might not be able to deal with a two week absence. There is just a lot to think about still. God is in control, so I won't stress over it.

Trust your crazy ideas.

A journey of a thousand miles starts with one step.

(don't know who these quotes belong to, but I like them.)