Dreams

I tend to dream a lot, and they are always a little strange. Last night I had a dream that woke me at five, and is still sticking with me. One of those where some one asks me a question while looking me directly in the eyes. A question that may be one I have pondered for many years but can never find the answer to so I end up ignoring it or putting it aside.

Perhaps I am on the verge of figuring it out. Or maybe I am just tormenting myself again.

I am going to turn 33 in six days! Isn't that cool? I used to think I would never get to 21, and now I am almost 33. I wonder what my life will be like at 40. Will I make it that far? Who knows. My grandma (my moms mom) lived to be 90. She was born in 1904. Crazy!! To think of all she experienced in her life time makes me wonder what there is left to do and see in my lifetime.

So much out there, so little time.

Life

Was talking to Shad last night about life and what our mission is. I have a book that says there are three parts. One part has to do with that one thing you do really well. That is my issue. I have no idea what that is for me.

I had a dream that it was my mother's birthday and we were supposed to celebrate, but my mom threw a fit and everyone left. I wanted to leave too, but they all left me behind. So, I went out of the house and it had snowed. All of a sudden there were tons of people everywhere, and they were playing in the snow, and then there were these kids that were doing a play in the middle of the street. I whipped out a camera and started taking pictures.

By the way, Shad says that my Jags don't play until the weekend of the 9th, so I might just remove movie night all together until I get a handle on the dates and plans and crap. However, everyone is welcome to come over tonight and hang out for Monday night football!!

I GET IT!!!!!!

Okay God, I get it, I'm an ass! Some times it takes a nice whack in the gut to bring me out of my arrogant "my way is right and your way is wrong" attitude. I'm so blessed to have you love me so much that you would take the time to snap me out of it. Thank you!!!!!!!!!

Movie night has been re-scheduled to October 9th. How about a nice comedy horror flick? Any suggestions out there?

Crap!

I forgot that my birthday is around the same weekend of the 2nd and so I can't do movie night that night because I might ( and I say might because it was an idea of my father) be going to see a NFL football game that weekend in San Diego. It is supposed to be a birthday gift from my dad, so in reality, I have to accept that it probably won't happen. But there is always a chance. So I guess I will not have movie night scheduled after all.

It sucks having grown up with such crappy parents who were so loving at the same time. They have the biggest hearts, and mean well most of the time. Just a product of their experience I guess. I love them, but they are such jerks some times. Aren't we all?

Missed some prime blogging time this weekend so I could sit and play a video game. Shad has me hooked on another one. This time it is bad, I played for hours, and then had dreams of dragons and goblins. Time for a break I would say.

I am on a mission of health awareness. Had my first week of success, and I am starting off my second good as well. I actually made some awesome veggie soup. Yes, I cooked! Home made and everything. As a matter of fact, I have made breakfast, lunch and dinner every night for the last seven days. They say it takes 21 days of doing the same thing to make it a habit. Lets see if I last.

Movie night is set for October 2, Saturday at 7pm. The movie will be announced in a day or two.
For directions and info, just give us a call! Or email us. Or, we will email you!

The weather is awesome today!! Hurry, go outside!!!!

Life is changing and I am not in control.

What an awesome little thing it is to sit around all day and pat yourself on the back for useless things you have done for no other reason but to satisfy your own needs. We are a sad bunch.

I am in a strange place these days. Not sure how to explain it or if I even want to. I am changing in all areas of my life. I feel it is mostly for the good, yet that really isn't a fair assumption now is it? Perhaps it is the weather, or that I am growing another number older next month. I just feel different these days. Bolder, less vulnerable. I feel it is a good thing except for the problem of letting things fly before thinking some times. I will try to work on that. Maybe.

Here comes Fall, are you ready? Because if you blink, you'll miss it.

Have you ever....

I was thinking about church and I really don't know what the hell I am talking about but I feel like so many of the people who go to churches like Canyon Ridge are so fake. They smile at me in a fake way, they talk to me in a fake way, they have silly (in my opinion) rules and regulations. They judge just as much as the next person. What makes a person so much more special than the next? THEY AREN'T! We all suck the same, so why is it so hard for some of us to admit that?

Like I said, I suck and don't know what in the hell I am talking about, I'm just letting stuff fly out of my mouth like usual. If you take offense, oh well. You will get over it. Or maybe not.

Have you ever had a day when you just wanted to say what ever you really felt, and then did? Good. Do it again!

Wow

Sometimes, I scare me.

There are a lot of crazy things going on all around me. I feel good with it all though. I seem to be doing better with picking out the healthiest place for me to be in each situation. That is kind of cool. I am super thankful to God for that.

Some times I wonder just what it is I am supposed to be doing in my life, and then I am reminded that God has me right where He wants me.

However,

There are a lot of things I am not doing that God probably wants for me, so I better get my groove on because I could be running out of time. We only get so much of it, and we better use it for Him while we can.

It was great to see Alicia at the big church on Wednesday night. I miss her a lot. Know you are loved!!

Anyone interested in a movie night?

Dreaming again

We were at the home of some of Shad's old friends who we don't associate with anymore. They were installing carpet, and then we all sat down at a table and prayed together.

Dreams can be cool. But they are just dreams.

We have a full day, and I am in the middle of learning how to schedule my life so that I am more productive. What am I going to do without my Carder family for the next few years? They are my inspiration! They totally rock and it is going to suck with them so far away.

Time to drag Hailey out of bed.

Drama

Filled with a yearning to love, I thought the truth would heal. I was wrong. It hurt, and hurt bad. But that's the thing about truth, it can feel like a punch in the gut, taking all of the air out of you leaving you gasping for air. I have felt it many times. Watching someone else feel it is difficult.

I have no regrets about my actions. I prayed and prayed and then I let it go. Things are changing, just like I felt would happen back in India, and it's not over either. It is just beginning.

Damn!!!

Went to the Dam yesterday. Damn it's big! Actually, we paid ten bucks each just to watch a movie and go into an elevator so we could walk down a long tunnel to see some of the huge generators and then you go back out and get to walk around an observation deck. Oh, and they have an exhibit you get to wander through. My personal thought was that we were totally ripped off, however, it was an awesome school day with the girls. I have been down in the damn thing before and it was a way better tour back then, but we still had a good time.

Today is mom intervention day. My brother called a family meeting which will only consist of the three of us. Our plan of attack is to get her into a room with us and confront her about money and taking care of herself (which she doesn't do) and to offer a solution. I am just a supporter of the cause, my brother seems to have figured out the solution. We shall see. It should be interesting.

My mother gave me some china that her brother gave to her from when he was in one of the wars. I didn't want it, only because I don't see the need to show off a bunch of dishes you never use and that you have to clean all of the time. My cousin's wife called this weekend and wants me to give them the china because it was, in her words, supposed to go to them as it was my uncle who bought it and my cousin who should inherit it. I am not attached to it, yet some part of me is hesitant to let it go. Perhaps that is the reason I should give it to them. You just can't hold on to THINGS like that. Shad says I should tell her no. What a silly thing to stress over.

My family is awesome. Happy Labor Day.

Some of the things I love...

Rain
Candles
music
laughter
clouds
(I am assuming you already know I love my family and friends)
puppies
ice cream
video games (I know, I say I am against them, but deep inside, when I start playing I can't stop)
roses
The Jaguars Baby!!!!!
sunsets
sand and the ocean
chimes
Nascar races
camping trips
pictures
incense
journaling
taking long trips in a car
playing with clay
hot chocolate
Yes, God first and most of all.
BBQ's
reading a good book
painting
and yes, this list could go on, but I can't.

Happy Friday

Me

I tend to try to be funny when I am nervous. Especially if there is a threat of conflict in the air. Humor relieves the pain at times. I feel I take life too seriously some days and thus try to do things that make me happy instead of the things I know will stress me out. I suck at follow through and hate that I suck at follow through so I constantly do things that would call for major follow through just to set myself up to fail and not follow through and then dwell on the fact that I suck at it. Most days I feel as though I am a huge failure at everything I do, yet I am aware that we all suck so what is the big deal? I want to have a lot of friends that are close and who feel comfortable enough to just drop in at any time, but am afraid of being that close with people and I suck at keeping in touch with the friends I do have. Some times I dream of taking a long drive out of town and just never stopping. Just taking the road as far as it will take me and see where I end up. I take tons of pictures of everything because my grandma had Alztimers ( I suck at spelling as well) and I fear that one day I will forget all of the good memories I have ever had. Some days, I trick myself into thinking I am in control, and then WHAM!!! I am fat and hate being that way but I feel safe this way. I want to be some kind of an artist but know I suck at drawing and painting and don't care to go to school to learn. I love God and am thankful that He loves me back because it is really hard for me to love me most days.

This is a glimpse of me.

Hey

Saw this poem on the homeschooling group message board, thought I would share.

Today, I didn't say the right things
I didn't give enough hugs
I didn't listen to all of their imaginary stories.

Today my prayers were too short and
my lectures too long.
My smiles, I'm sure didn't hide my fatigue.

Today I didn't heal any wounds;
in fact, I'm sure I caused some.
Their tears fell and I felt too
lifeless to wipe them away.

But as I kneel in prayer to confess my failures, I am reminded......
I am not their hope.
I am not their joy.
I am not their salvation.
He is!
And they are His children even more than they are mine.

I am reminded...
He always listens,
always guides,
always touches,
and always loves perfectly.

I can rest now, Lord,
remembering that I am not alone.

-wendy c. brewer

Life

I fell asleep watching the weather channel last night. How I got to that point, I really don't know but I usually can't sleep unless the TV is off.

I get to see my Jags in October!! My dad is getting me tickets to the game in San Diego for my birthday! I am very excited because everyone is always making fun of my team, but they are going to kick butt this year. In my world, they are going to the Super Bowl!!!!!

My girls are playing school right now. I just love when they do that. Usually Hialey is the teacher and she teaches MacKenzie something new every time.

Savers is having a 50% off sale on Monday the 6th. Just thought I would pass the word.

Happy Wednesday