Monday, October 20, 2003

Okay, so I am just trying to waist some time. I am so tired of packing and cleaning and painting and ..................So I thought I would take a moment to do nothing. Not that this is nothing, it is something, but it is not moving.

Why were we so sure that we would be moving out of state? I really felt that we would, yet we are destined to stay here longer. Part of me wonders if we did something wrong, yet the other part of me knows just how stupid that sounds. We didn't do anything that we weren't supposed to do. We are not in control, it is as simple as that. Shad is so depressed. I don't like seeing him like this. I am trying to be positive, and to keep him preoccupied with other things. Sometimes being married is very hard. I think I suck at being a wife, so I am not very good at being there for him when he needs me.However, we have been through so much in our marriage and made it, we will get through this as well. It takes time, patience, understanding, respect of space, etc.........

HURL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just thought I would take a moment to throw up the crap in my head before I get started with this day's work. There is much to do yet, and I want to do as much as possible so that Shad doesn't have to. I am tired, sad, and worried, but excited. We take so much for granted, and by we I mean Shad and I. We have lived in this house for five years and I don't think I truly appreciated it until now. That is so sad. I remember now why I wanted this house in the first place, what attracted me to it. I feel lucky to have had it. My prayer is that the people who are in here after us are as blessed as we have been, and that they are good neighbors, and take care of the place. I feel as though we are about to embark on a new adventure, the true adventure. Not that the other adventure wouldn't have been good, just that it is not a reality, so this means it is not the true place we were meant to go. God is keeping us in the dark, and that is cool. Surprises are the best when they are surprises.

Thanks to all who are praying, and helping us out with the move. Thanks to Amy and Dave for being brave enough to take us in under their wing. Thank you God, for all you do in our lives. You have blessed us with such an awesome community of family and friends.

Sunday, October 19, 2003

Finally an answer

Hi, for all of you who are waiting to hear what we are doing or not doing, well, there is no
reason to be leaving Las Vegas now, so the verdict is we stay. The house is still sold, we are still moving in with the Carder's, and then we are looking for a new home here. Unless something else comes up.

We prayed for an answer, and we got one. Too bad it was not the one we thought we wanted. God has another plan, so that is cool. Shad will think so too at some point, just not yet. God is so in control. Please pray for him.

I wonder if we can start another House Church in a new area where there isn't one yet. That would be very cool. Perhaps we will start a little commune of our own. What ever is in God's plan.

Friday, October 17, 2003

Fight Club

I took this test to see what movie I would best fit in, and it came up Fight Club. What's up with that?

Thursday, October 16, 2003

Thanks Amy for helping me out tonight.

I am so tired. I have hardly slept this week, and the week is not over yet. We have so many things going on, so many things to do. I look at all of our stuff and wonder why we feel the desire to keep so much crap. Yet as I pack stuff, I realize that everything has a story. It reminds me of something or someone, of an event both happy or sad. Crap, who knew.

So I am off to bed to finally get a few winks before the bug inspector gets here at 8:30am.

Thanks Susie for your awesome message of encouragement. I don't think there will be coffee this Saturday.

Wednesday, October 15, 2003

Is it over yet?

I am taking out a moment to sit and write some of the things in my head so that I stop stressing for a minute. I am feeling good, yet it is the most bizarre feeling when selling a house. This is our first house, and we have been here five years. To think that in two weeks we will not be here anymore, ever, is just weird. Will I forget and try to drive here anyway? Will the person buying it take care of it, will they treat the neighbors good? Will they take out our cool tree in the front yard? Will they get rid of the morning glories that seem to be over taking the tree? Will Dave and Amy get sick of us and boot us to the curb?

Okay, I'll stop. Like I am ever in control anyway. I am just here for the ride. Whatever happens, I hope that the people who live here after us are just as blessed as we have been. This has been a house of healing for us. There have been a lot of good memories here and I am just grateful to have been able to live in this house, and to have had the privileged of having house church here for a year. God is so good, and we are so not worthy. The appraiser will be here at nine. Nail biting time!

Time to go to my other job out in the den.

Tuesday, October 14, 2003

AAAHHHH!!!!!!

So we sold the house today, well, for the most part. We accepted an offer, and so we wait to see if it goes through. In the mean time, they want in by the end of the month, so we have two weeks to get out. As if we don't have enough going on right now. So we pack. We pack fast, and start moving right away. Who knew things would move so quickly.

I just took a break from working on the billing stuff to jot a note or two. I have a computer on a coffee table, and I am sitting on the floor trying to input information. It is so very uncomfortable, and my back hurts, however, I am getting a lot of work done and making progress. I even did some packing today, and managed to go to house church to beg for packing and moving help. We will need it.

Well, I am off to finish my work day in my P.J.'s.
We had four offers on the house last night and while going over them all with our realtor, we had more people wondering through the house to see it. We don't even have a sign up yet, and we might have already sold it. How crazy is that? If the offer goes through that we accepted, we have to move by the end of this month! Help!

Guess who had about two hours sleep last night.

Monday, October 13, 2003

Table for one!

I feel as though I should be charging people at the door for coming into our house and wonder through it. We have six cards sitting on the counter of people who have shown our house and we just listed Saturday! We also have three offers already! What is God trying to tell us here, "Get out!" or what? It is all very crazy and Shad keeps changing his mind like every five minutes. I guess it could be worse and there could be no one looking at our house. I just feel like this is all going so stinking fast. On top of it all I am trying to bail out my sister-in-law at her place of business, and do home schooling at the same time as packing and everything else.

Well, if nothing else, it feels good to whine a little bit not that it will change anything. I guess I should get the laundry done. Oh but wait, there are about six people at the door wanting to see the house. I guess I better go.

Sunday, October 12, 2003

Oh my!

So we listed the house yesterday, and we have had four couples here today to look at the house! It is only 2pm and we listed yesterday afternoon. God, are we doing the right thing? Definitely yes. This is a very bizarre thing for us as these people just call up, then come by and all of these strangers are walking through our house looking at all of our things. Shad is trying to watch football, so he has the TV up really loud and keeps yelling stuff at it like the team in the box can hear him. My girls are looking at all of these people and wondering what the heck is going on, yet they understand that this means they will be living with some church family really soon and are very excited. I feel a little overwhelmed by it all, but I guess this is all a good thing. God is very much in charge. Nothing to worry about.

Saturday, October 11, 2003

A good day

I had a great day today. I went to the mountains with my friend and took a very nice walk on a trail that led us to a little creek bordered by pine trees. We talked about stuff, and it was great to be out of the city and in the fresh air surrounded by the beauty of the mountains and just all of God's creations. Next we finally put our house up for sale. It was a big decision, and there is still a lot to be done, but the first steps have been taken, so that feels good. Then we saw one of our nephews and celebrated his birthday with a little cake, ice cream, and some play station 2.

We ended our night with a discussion about trusting God to be in control and to stop all the "what if" stuff. Life is good and we are blessed.

Friday, October 10, 2003

Hellooooo..

Did some fun stuff today like cleaning, food shopping, and taking a siesta on the front lawn. I wonder what my neighbors think when they see me outside laying on the front lawn taking a nap. My pharmacy tech license is about to expire and I am still not sure I want to renew it. Is it a waist of $35? I have no plans to ever work in another pharmacy again, however, I forget that God is always in charge, not me.

My kids are showing some awesome interests in learning this week. That has really made me feel better about home schooling. Perhaps I am doing something right? It all started when we got out of the house and went to the mountains to explore. They have been on a learning high ever since.

Oh good, it's movie time. We are watching "The Italian Job" tonight. I'll let you know what I think. Shad picked it out.

Thursday, October 09, 2003

I am so grateful for the things we have. So much so that I would love to give them all away. I am not sure what God is about to throw at us, but I am in a situation where I really need to think before I act. I was offered a part time, temporary job and I am not sure I want to get involved in the mess of it all. Of course, I have to think of our financial situation and in doing so I realize that this could be a good thing. However, I cringe at the thought of it because something doesn't seem right. Why would God provide a job right at this point in time? Like He is going to just pop His head through the wall and tell me. Perhaps I am making too much of it all. After all, I really don't know the whole story, but do I really want the stress of this job back? No, but we need the money. Do we need it that bad? Well, kind of. Do I know that I am even being offered money to do this? Not exactly, but they wouldn't expect me to just do the work for free would they? Yep. And they would because I would be dumb enough to offer my help free of charge. And just why would I charge them for all of this anyway? Because we need the money. I hate money. This is a really bad thing I am about to get into I think. I say about because I already said I would help. Why do I just jump before I look? Haven't I learned by now! This sucks! I could always change my mind, but the situation is a bit sticky. I hate sticky! I should have just pushed for the job of passing flyers. Then I could have had a good out for this situation. Should of, could of, would of. None of that matters now. I need to go spit.

Blink blink

Whoa it's early. I can hardly believe that I used to get up earlier than this. Crazy! I have two extra kids today. That is kind of cool because it puts a new twist to our day. I think we will hang outside for most of it. School's in the front yard!!


God, thank you for allowing us to be there for our friends, thank you for showing us just how truly precious our life with you is, and I pray that you continue to give us spiritual eyes to see you in everything in and around us.

Wednesday, October 08, 2003

Love

I just had to title it Love because I can.

I had a great day with the girls, and visiting with my friends. We went to the meadow to frolic in the woods and be one with the ants and stuff. I went to work out, but ate first, so my stomach hurts and I feel like crap. It will pass I am sure. A clean desk makes me happy. We have an appointment Saturday to talk to a realtor about the house selling stuff. Woo hoo! It is amazing how things can move right along when you make a decision. For all of you waiting on pins and needles to see if Shad is or isn't, well............................. We still don't know, but he called and they said we should know something by next Tuesday. That something could just be that they are still doing back ground stuff, so don't get all in a hurry to kick us out of here just yet. More of the "hurry up and wait" but at least it is something.

Anyone who wants to help us pack some stuff is welcome to come visit us on Friday afternoon as I will be in packing mode to get as much stuff out of the way as possible. Who knows, you might even get to take something home! Yippy!

Storm

I had a dream that I was living in a small town, and there was a meadow, and great big trees, and I was looking for something, to take pictures of I think, and all of a sudden the sky erupted in a huge storm. I kept looking in the sky to see if the clouds were going to produce a tornado, and they did. I ran to what I thought was a place to hide from the storm, but it wasn't the right place, and then I realized that there were family members in the house that didn't even know what was going on. I ran to the house to tell them, and saw lightning strike very near. I stood there fascinated for a moment by the incredible sight before me. I snapped out of it and ran inside and started screaming for everyone to get out. We all ran to a building that had a large hole in the floor that we were supposed to go down, but I didn't want to go in. It didn't feel right.

I then sat up in bed and realized that I needed to get up to go to the mountains. So, off we go.

Tuesday, October 07, 2003

Is this thing on?

Tonight's house church was good. It felt good to be together. I missed most of the group stuff, but that really isn't what I was talking about anyway. Just having everyone around, and hanging out. That is really my favorite part. Being community. I wish we could all hang out a lot more than we do. The kids doing their show was, in my opinion, awesome. We all gathered together to watch them perform something they totally collaborated on their own. We were like family, and that was really cool.

Things change, and God continues to grow in us. We will always be family no matter where we are.

Blink Blink

Morning time, oh happy day. I had a dream, but I can't repeat it, too much stuff to share. We are still waiting to hear the word, but going to sell anyway. There is a lot to do, but I needed to clear my head first. I listened to a Black Sabbath song last night while at the gym, and heard the real message in it for the first time. It was one of the old ones, the good ones. It sounded bad at first glance, but when I really just listened to the words, it was a powerful message. Anyhoo, lots to do today so I guess I should get started.

Monday, October 06, 2003

Shhhhh

Today was like a whirlwind, flying by tossing everything up in the air. But not a total twister, so all was well. I am trying to workout every night, and I am doing good so far. Tonight at the gym there was this little pile of guys all exercising in front of the only TV that had the football game on. They were all working out as hard as could be, and as the last play of the game was executed, they all hollered and raised their arms up in the air and quickly dispersed. It was all very comical.

The new water restrictions have started to turn our grass brown. Perhaps it is time to go with the ever popular rock look.

Quiet

There is something about being up in the morning when everyone else is asleep. The quiet of the house is very peaceful. It calms me. I had a dream that Shad got the job. Now if only we heard something in reality.

Sunday, October 05, 2003

Learning

It is great to be able to learn that there is so much I still have to learn. Ummm, what? Right!

This weekend was one of the best I have had in a very long time. I was able to spend time with friends and family and most importantly, God. What more could I ask for?

Saturday, October 04, 2003

Happy Birthday to me!

Today has been the best day. I spent the morning with friends hiking, and then the afternoon with family by the pool. I have lots of pictures to remind me of my day as well.

Friday, October 03, 2003

Time Out!

The kids are gone, and I am having some much needed alone time at the moment. The weather is getting cooler and it felt good to be outside today. We ( the girls and I ) sat outside in the front yard and had school, and then lunch. Later, when it was dark, we were driving across town, and the girls were playing some kind of game, and my youngest daughter said "Hey, stop the game and look outside. The city lights are so beautiful!" I just thought how cool it was that she would stop in the middle of a game to notice the lights of the city. She is only five. What five year old takes time out to smell the roses? You can learn a lot from a kid.

Dog

We are going to walk the dog today. It is starting to become an every day thing which is good for the dog. It is good for us as well because we get out of the house and exercise. But there is one thing I can't stand about walking the dog. Why do they (dogs) have to stop and smell other dog's poop and stuff? That is just so gross! Do they know they are smelling other dog's doo? That just can't be healthy.

On other news, tomorrow is my birthday trip to the mountain. I can hardly wait to get there and smell the fresh air and listen to the silence. I have so many things to thank God for.

Thursday, October 02, 2003

Happiness is...

Happiness is having a friend who you haven't talked to in a long while call you out of the blue to catch up on stuff.

Okay, so I am getting a little corny, but it is true for me.

Yuck! :b

Home schooling is hard. It takes a lot of energy that I don't always have but some how we manage to get it done every day. I read how a lot of people will sometimes try to pressure you into thinking that you are doing everything wrong. I feel that this week. It makes me stronger though, so I guess that is good. I don't like being told that I am wrong, but feel that I am a lot. I guess I feel like I beat up on myself enough and don't need the help.

The air is heavy today.

Dream

Just woke up. Yes, I slept really good, and had a weird dream about having a car, but choosing to ride a skateboard across town to a small child care center where there were people I knew. Susie was there, but she was sick and was leaving. That bumped me out but I stayed and was taking care of some paperwork, and the kids were sleeping. Then this little girl busted into the room and was being chased by a little yippy dog and was scared. The girl had a balloon and the yippy dog just wanted to play with it. She didn't understand. I started to play with the dog, and then all of the kids woke up from the noise and there was total chaos in the room.

I dream all of the time and most of my dreams are very strange. This one is not so strange. The funny part was that while I was riding the skateboard, I was trying to do tricks on it. Now that is weird. And I remember now that there were people walking around looking at me like I was crazy, and I almost ran into a car that had it's door open and there was thumping music blaring from it. And there was a school that it was parked next to.

Okay, enough of this crazy stuff.

Wednesday, October 01, 2003

Money

I hate money, and the fact that life revolves around it. I have a business and can't run it properly without money. Or maybe I suck at my business. Probably, but it is still my business, and a way to create income. Much needed income.

I was thinking about how we are the church, and how that means that no matter where we go, we are bringing church with us, and I thought of how my mom always wants to have my cousin come to house church. Why couldn't I go there, and be the church with them. Every family has their issues, so why not be the church at all times and especially when with messed up family? But then that is it right? We need to be the church at all times, and that means always living for God and never ourselves. As if it were that easy. Perhaps it is. Have I ever tried it? No, because I am a sinner and would screw it up some how. But then, by being a sinner and screwing up, we tend to teach someone something. Sometimes that someone is just ourselves learning the lesson and that is good.

I was able to play the scales with both hands at the same time today on the piano, and I learned how to read music over the last two days. Yippy for me.

Pumpkins

We picked pumpkins and apples. I don't even know what I am going to do with them yet, but it was really fun. Maybe we will go back another day this week and pick veggies.

Ah, October!

Yes, my favorite month is finally here! And we get to start the month off with a trip to an orchard. Very cool and happy for me. I woke up with a new calmness today. God is in control, so all I have to do is be.

Sometimes I don't understand, and I guess that is how it is meant to be, because if I understood, then I wouldn't need to learn, and without learning, I am just a lump of flesh wondering around with no purpose. That is assuming that my purpose is to learn, and I am sure there might be more to it than that, but then, I am just learning about all of that. Right?