Hi!

So how's it going? Today I had a good day, although it was quite busy. My job is tough, but I think I made a bit of a break through today with my group. I went off the path of conformity and chose to break out on my own. I took a chance and it worked out and the kids opened up a bit and even relaxed enough to start sharing some true feeling. It was pretty cool. And then I had two meetings with two kids who are deep in denial. My head was spinning by the time I was done but I felt like I actually got something done for the first time in weeks. It was a good day. 

Now the trick is to try and get the same results every time. I've got my work cut out for me for sure. 

In the meantime, I have this really hard school assignment where I have to research toys for ages 6 months to 12 months and then do a presentation on what the findings are and how they relate to some different theories. I'm actually looking forward to this assignment. It will give my brain a nice little rest. 

Speaking of rest, I think I will take one right now....

Just stuff

So last week my computer totally crashed. I am talking it died. There is just no bringing it back. And because I am in school and because of the work I do my hubby knew I would need a new computer and fast. We had planned that the next one would be new and wanted to make sure it was something reliable and easier for me to cart around. We also wanted something worth the money and that would last for many years. So we bought a Mac Book. I am very happy with it and find it easy to use. I love not being tied to a plug, (my other computer had a bad battery so I had to be plugged in all the time) and it is much easier to carry around. I can't find one thing wrong with it, so I had to share just how much I love it so far. 

We are preparing for a visit from the family next month. We will have a total of 11 people visiting us and staying in our little house. I am going to try to convince the kids to camp out in the backyard. They would have more fun I think, but we shall see. As it it, our little three bedroom home is going to be packed full of family and it will be nice. Then it is a trip to Oregon to see our niece graduate from college. 

Time to play some Guitar Hero II! Hope you are having a great weekend.

The Mind is a Wonderful Thing

Let's review the last post, shall we?

I started working, I panicked, I tried to jump ship and .........

...I was totally denied! Well, actually, I was told that I would have to "hang in there" until a position opened up in the adult side of things. That pushed me into a bigger panic at first, but then I decided to talk to another counselor about what I was going through. The counselor that has been training me. This was hard to do, and I cried while I admitted my fears and uncertainties. He said he totally respected the fact that I was sharing this and being up front and honest. We talked about the fact that people in this field have to have self confidence in what they are doing. I have always lacked in self confidence anyway, so this was something I needed to hear. We also talked about the difference between teen and adult addicts, the fact that I have the ability to do the job, and many other insightful things. The end result was for me to take the weekend and just think things through, then come in on Monday and share my thoughts and decisions.

Well, here it is Saturday night and I have come to some big realizations about it all. Basically I was a total ball of stress. I was pushed over the edge because I didn't have full confidence in myself, and because I didn't utilize the help of the other counselors and resources available to me. I almost quit, but realize now that I am more than capable of doing this job, that I have tons of resources available to me for help, and that Monday when I go in I will be able to tell them for sure that I am.....well, I think I now what I am, but I am still giving it until tomorrow night to soak in my brain.

So that is my life these days. Craziness I tell you. Emotionally draining craziness! But God teaches me best when I am in my stressful craziness. I am learning so much, and not just about the job but about myself as well. He has a method to His madness I tell ya!

Want to Ride the Roller Coaster?

So there I was in a room with three fellow counselors the other day and we start going over the different clients in the program and suddenly I was given a case load of five clients to start working with. Now, I have been getting some training over the last couple of weeks, but this took me by surprise as I was not expecting it to happen this soon. I have been struggling this whole time with finding a way to relate to these teens I am working with, and my head has been spinning every night. I've bought books, searched the web and just done all I could think of to prepare myself and educate myself. I've been getting up early and going to bed at 1:30am every night since I have started working. I've been a little stressed out to put it kindly. But when I heard that they were giving me a case load and learned more about these kids, I was in a panic. I kept telling myself that it would be alright but I kept hearing this voice in my head asking me how I was going to relate with these kids.

Well, I pushed that little voice right over and decided to take action and made a meeting with one of my new clients. I met with him and it went alright, then met with mom and dad and that went alright too. The case is a huge mess but I was feeling okay when I left, but still, something just wasn't right. Since it was my anniversary, I decided to let the days events go. I was not going to take work home with me. And the rest of my night I felt great, like I had really accomplished something. And I slept like a rock. The first bit of good sleep I have had in a long time. And then it happened.

I woke up today in a panic. I think I even began having an anxiety attack. All I could think was "I am not the right fit for the teen program" and "I should be working with the adults, not the kids." Like I said, things have been going fine, but I couldn't get these thoughts out of my head and suddenly I realized that I had to call someone and talk about what was going on in my head. So of course I called my best friend and husband and he helped me calm down. After we talked I decided to just take the day to think about things. I realized that I was certain I was in the wrong place, and I knew that if I was going to do anything about it, now was the time. If I wait any longer it will be bad for these kids. After I made the attempt to open and dial the number about twenty times, I finally made the call to my boss and talked to him about it all. He said he would take care of it and that I would just be rolled over to the adult program. Now, I have to deal with going in tomorrow and explaining myself to the teen counselors and pray that things go smoothly. It is going to be an uncomfortable situation to say the least, but tonight I feel as though a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders, and I am not stressed out at all. This has been one major roller coaster ride.

La Vida Loca!

Life has been a bit crazy. Here it is 1:30 in the morning and I am still not done writing my paper that is due on Thursday night. I just can't think about funding and IT systems right now. I also have to put together some research information for my team project of which I am slightly confused about but I will have to do that later too. I did manage to get a few ideas written down for the group session I am supposedly doing tomorrow with the teens. And I have a head start on dishes and laundry. And to top it all off, I actually came home without a head ache from work last night. My brain has been a little fried each night from all of the new information I am being given.

Teen recovery is different to say the least. I will have to write more about that later. And working is just a trip after all of these years. I know, that sounds kind of sad coming from someone in her thirties right. I can't help it, I was always the kind of person that felt she had to have a job for security. Now I am totally used to staying at home and having time to do what I want. Yep, spoiled rotten.

The kids are doing alright with the new schedule though. We actually get more done for school now than we have in over a year. I'm still thinking about putting Hailey in an independent study for next year and realized that I will have to hurry and enroll her if I am going to do it. I've heard through the grape vine here that late enrollment is kind of hard to do. It has something to do with crazy families getting on waiting lists to put their preschooler in school or something like that. Luckily I don't have to worry about that since we live an alternative school style. :) I mean, we do private school. Wink!

Next month we are going to have 11 family members come here and stay a night or two with us. Yes, I said 11! 11 + our four and our dog. Oh what a great day that will be. I am not sure just where we are going to put everyone, but I guess we will figure it all out once they get here. I have half a mind to put the kids out in the backyard in the tent. Anyway, they are all coming this way as we make our way to Oregon to see Shara (my niece) graduate from college. It will be a fun trip and I am looking forward to screaming and yelling as she walks the stage to grab her hard earned degree. I will also be daydreaming about the day when I finally get my degree. It's going to happen people. One way or another!

Well, now that it is almost two, I guess I should get my butt to bed and get some sleep. I have to be up at nine! Happy Wednesday!