Sunday, January 04, 2004

I was trying to remember my new phone number, and wrote down a number I haven't called or thought of in years. It is a number that belongs to the parents of a very close family friend.

His father is dying of cancer, and I have avoided seeing the family because of selfish reasons. I love these people dearly, and my heart grieves for them but I watched two of my uncles suffer and then die of cancer. The reality of it all still hurts too much. I long to be there for them, to have something comforting to say, but what could I say?

I heard that the family was keeping him home as per his wishes which were to die at home with his family around him. His death will be a horrible one as he will eventually bleed to death. I pray that God will make them strong so that they will be able to comfort him when this time arrives. I pray that he will find peace quickly. Prayers seem all I can offer right now.

I fear death, and yet, at other times.......I just don't understand it. Why are we so afraid to be happy with what God has provided us? Why be scared of something that brings us to Him? Perhaps to keep us from trying to take charge over a situation that belongs in God's hands. We should be living life for Him, doing His will, and not worrying about meaningless stuff. God provides us with exactly what we need. No less, no more. And here I sit questioning His will? So little faith.

I will go see them tomorrow. Give them hugs, and pray with them for peace in their hearts. God will guide me with the right words, or actions. Faith.

No comments: