Hi!

So how's it going? Today I had a good day, although it was quite busy. My job is tough, but I think I made a bit of a break through today with my group. I went off the path of conformity and chose to break out on my own. I took a chance and it worked out and the kids opened up a bit and even relaxed enough to start sharing some true feeling. It was pretty cool. And then I had two meetings with two kids who are deep in denial. My head was spinning by the time I was done but I felt like I actually got something done for the first time in weeks. It was a good day. 

Now the trick is to try and get the same results every time. I've got my work cut out for me for sure. 

In the meantime, I have this really hard school assignment where I have to research toys for ages 6 months to 12 months and then do a presentation on what the findings are and how they relate to some different theories. I'm actually looking forward to this assignment. It will give my brain a nice little rest. 

Speaking of rest, I think I will take one right now....

Just stuff

So last week my computer totally crashed. I am talking it died. There is just no bringing it back. And because I am in school and because of the work I do my hubby knew I would need a new computer and fast. We had planned that the next one would be new and wanted to make sure it was something reliable and easier for me to cart around. We also wanted something worth the money and that would last for many years. So we bought a Mac Book. I am very happy with it and find it easy to use. I love not being tied to a plug, (my other computer had a bad battery so I had to be plugged in all the time) and it is much easier to carry around. I can't find one thing wrong with it, so I had to share just how much I love it so far. 

We are preparing for a visit from the family next month. We will have a total of 11 people visiting us and staying in our little house. I am going to try to convince the kids to camp out in the backyard. They would have more fun I think, but we shall see. As it it, our little three bedroom home is going to be packed full of family and it will be nice. Then it is a trip to Oregon to see our niece graduate from college. 

Time to play some Guitar Hero II! Hope you are having a great weekend.

The Mind is a Wonderful Thing

Let's review the last post, shall we?

I started working, I panicked, I tried to jump ship and .........

...I was totally denied! Well, actually, I was told that I would have to "hang in there" until a position opened up in the adult side of things. That pushed me into a bigger panic at first, but then I decided to talk to another counselor about what I was going through. The counselor that has been training me. This was hard to do, and I cried while I admitted my fears and uncertainties. He said he totally respected the fact that I was sharing this and being up front and honest. We talked about the fact that people in this field have to have self confidence in what they are doing. I have always lacked in self confidence anyway, so this was something I needed to hear. We also talked about the difference between teen and adult addicts, the fact that I have the ability to do the job, and many other insightful things. The end result was for me to take the weekend and just think things through, then come in on Monday and share my thoughts and decisions.

Well, here it is Saturday night and I have come to some big realizations about it all. Basically I was a total ball of stress. I was pushed over the edge because I didn't have full confidence in myself, and because I didn't utilize the help of the other counselors and resources available to me. I almost quit, but realize now that I am more than capable of doing this job, that I have tons of resources available to me for help, and that Monday when I go in I will be able to tell them for sure that I am.....well, I think I now what I am, but I am still giving it until tomorrow night to soak in my brain.

So that is my life these days. Craziness I tell you. Emotionally draining craziness! But God teaches me best when I am in my stressful craziness. I am learning so much, and not just about the job but about myself as well. He has a method to His madness I tell ya!

Want to Ride the Roller Coaster?

So there I was in a room with three fellow counselors the other day and we start going over the different clients in the program and suddenly I was given a case load of five clients to start working with. Now, I have been getting some training over the last couple of weeks, but this took me by surprise as I was not expecting it to happen this soon. I have been struggling this whole time with finding a way to relate to these teens I am working with, and my head has been spinning every night. I've bought books, searched the web and just done all I could think of to prepare myself and educate myself. I've been getting up early and going to bed at 1:30am every night since I have started working. I've been a little stressed out to put it kindly. But when I heard that they were giving me a case load and learned more about these kids, I was in a panic. I kept telling myself that it would be alright but I kept hearing this voice in my head asking me how I was going to relate with these kids.

Well, I pushed that little voice right over and decided to take action and made a meeting with one of my new clients. I met with him and it went alright, then met with mom and dad and that went alright too. The case is a huge mess but I was feeling okay when I left, but still, something just wasn't right. Since it was my anniversary, I decided to let the days events go. I was not going to take work home with me. And the rest of my night I felt great, like I had really accomplished something. And I slept like a rock. The first bit of good sleep I have had in a long time. And then it happened.

I woke up today in a panic. I think I even began having an anxiety attack. All I could think was "I am not the right fit for the teen program" and "I should be working with the adults, not the kids." Like I said, things have been going fine, but I couldn't get these thoughts out of my head and suddenly I realized that I had to call someone and talk about what was going on in my head. So of course I called my best friend and husband and he helped me calm down. After we talked I decided to just take the day to think about things. I realized that I was certain I was in the wrong place, and I knew that if I was going to do anything about it, now was the time. If I wait any longer it will be bad for these kids. After I made the attempt to open and dial the number about twenty times, I finally made the call to my boss and talked to him about it all. He said he would take care of it and that I would just be rolled over to the adult program. Now, I have to deal with going in tomorrow and explaining myself to the teen counselors and pray that things go smoothly. It is going to be an uncomfortable situation to say the least, but tonight I feel as though a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders, and I am not stressed out at all. This has been one major roller coaster ride.

La Vida Loca!

Life has been a bit crazy. Here it is 1:30 in the morning and I am still not done writing my paper that is due on Thursday night. I just can't think about funding and IT systems right now. I also have to put together some research information for my team project of which I am slightly confused about but I will have to do that later too. I did manage to get a few ideas written down for the group session I am supposedly doing tomorrow with the teens. And I have a head start on dishes and laundry. And to top it all off, I actually came home without a head ache from work last night. My brain has been a little fried each night from all of the new information I am being given.

Teen recovery is different to say the least. I will have to write more about that later. And working is just a trip after all of these years. I know, that sounds kind of sad coming from someone in her thirties right. I can't help it, I was always the kind of person that felt she had to have a job for security. Now I am totally used to staying at home and having time to do what I want. Yep, spoiled rotten.

The kids are doing alright with the new schedule though. We actually get more done for school now than we have in over a year. I'm still thinking about putting Hailey in an independent study for next year and realized that I will have to hurry and enroll her if I am going to do it. I've heard through the grape vine here that late enrollment is kind of hard to do. It has something to do with crazy families getting on waiting lists to put their preschooler in school or something like that. Luckily I don't have to worry about that since we live an alternative school style. :) I mean, we do private school. Wink!

Next month we are going to have 11 family members come here and stay a night or two with us. Yes, I said 11! 11 + our four and our dog. Oh what a great day that will be. I am not sure just where we are going to put everyone, but I guess we will figure it all out once they get here. I have half a mind to put the kids out in the backyard in the tent. Anyway, they are all coming this way as we make our way to Oregon to see Shara (my niece) graduate from college. It will be a fun trip and I am looking forward to screaming and yelling as she walks the stage to grab her hard earned degree. I will also be daydreaming about the day when I finally get my degree. It's going to happen people. One way or another!

Well, now that it is almost two, I guess I should get my butt to bed and get some sleep. I have to be up at nine! Happy Wednesday!

How time flies...

...when you get a job. I've been so busy trying to put together a new home schooling schedule, purchasing work clothes, organizing paperwork and running around taking care of the other wild and wacky things one has to do in order to start work that I have not had time to even check email or do anything else really. It has been a crazy few days. I am looking forward to starting work though. It is an exciting thing to know I will be thrown to the teenage wolves so to speak and left to fend for myself. I keep wondering how it will all turn out but of course I will never know until I know, you know?

My latest reading list has turned towards Treatment Improvement Protocols and teen recovery materials. Extremely interesting reading actually, but I feel as though I need more so I will be going to the book store tomorrow morning to brows through the psychology section. I've been given some suggestions of books to look for, and I am taking any more suggestion any one has for me. Hint, hint, wink, wink.

I was also reminded the other night of my trip to India back in 2004. I can hardly believe it has been so long ago. That trip really made an impact on the girls we took as well as on ourselves. I found the journal I took with me on that trip and read some of the entries. The whole experience was life changing. I would love to have the chance to go again some day. I still think about all of the people we met young and old.


Time to get back to work on my homework. :b Oh, and I finally have my computer all hooked up to my printer and so I will be able to add pics soon. Yippee!

Happy day to you!

Guess what I got!

I got a job this weekend. Actually, the job got me. Now I have the title of Alcohol and Drug Counselor for a teen program. I received the call as I was driving to Vegas on Friday. It pays very little, but offers a huge opportunity for me career wise. I am excited as well as a little intimidated but I feel very blessed at the same time.

So, to say the least, my life is about to get a little on the crazy side. I will be home schooling, working part time and going to school full time. Sounds so not like a big deal when I read that, but when I think of the reality of it all, it really is kind of crazy. But then I have spent my whole life around crazy so I guess that is the irony.

Currently I am still in Vegas and enjoying visiting with family. Tomorrow we get to visit with friends and that will be great as well. I look forward to a fun filled day of sun and fun at the park.

Life as of late...

has been really busy, but good.

I had a surgery on Friday, slept Saturday and Sunday, was lazy on Monday, worked on Tuesday, took my hubby to the airport on Wednesday and then went to school for some study time, and well, you are pretty much caught up minus about a thousand little tasks in between. Tonight I have school and I am oh so looking forward to that because it is a two hour class about pretty much nothing as I have all of my stuff DONE! Then it's on to another class next week.

My work experience is over and I am a little sad to leave, but glad to have had the experience of meeting so many people and hearing all about their stories in life. I learned a ton and gained a tone of information from books and people alike. It was a great ten weeks actually. Okay, more than ten in reality but anyway, I had a good time.

Lately I am contemplating on what I should do with my degree once it is received. I am still working on a plan for a non-profit facility but at the same time I need to be thinking of a back up career choice. Any ideas? Go ahead, I can take it.

We are missing friends and taking a much needed trip back to Vegas soon. If you know of any activities going on that we can tag along with in the homeschooling community, send the info our way. We look forward to seeing you!

Welcome!

Okay, I was just trying to be nice.

Today was the day I got a lot of work done. I feel as though I have made many tiny accomplishments because I have and it feels good. There are many days when I feel like I haven't accomplished anything and it usually brings me down, and even though I have a lot on my plate, I feel good today.

I'll be visiting Vegas in another two weeks and I am very excited. I plan on staying a few days and bringing the girls. Hopefully friends will not be too busy and we can hook up for some catching up on life and such. It will be nice to see some friendly faces.

I made an amazing discovery the other night. I found my diploma from the medical assisting school I attended back in 1992. I have been searching for it for, well, 16 years! Oh my goodness! Did I just hear that? Holy Cow! Time fricken flies fast! That means my 20 year reunion is just around the corner. What happened? Wow, that is just a crazy realization. Please excuse me a minute...

Okay, I am better now. (I think) Well, I suppose on that note I should just go. I feel the need to go hug my kids.

Dude!

There is this woman with the name of Dr. Pepper Shwarts! Dr. Pepper! Haahahhahahahhaahaha


Okay, that was fun. So life is moving right along. I find that lately I am in to taking part in church via computer video. Thanks Joe. I also notice that I am really enjoying my work experience and have learned a ton! Tonight was no different even with the drama going on. And there was a lot of drama over the last few days let me tell you.

Anyway, there are many things I wanted to share but I find that they have somehow slipped my mind. Maybe I will remember and write more later.

Oh, and someone said Horton Hears a Who the movie was anti-home schooling. Anyone know anything about that?

A part of me is missing...

I can't find my journal in this mess of a freshly moved house, so I feel as though I am missing a part of me. Since I journal with my hands, I suppose I could say my right hand in missing. It feels weird not to have that part of me, that safe place to settle in to at night, or during my day. I don't want to buy a new one though, because I want the one I started with. So, I suppose I will have to start opening boxes and bags of stuff and begin the search tonight after work.

I just started reading this crazy and outrageous story called The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka the other night. It is very bizarre but has some great humor in to it. I'm anxious to find out just what happens in the end. It starts with a man trying to get up and get ready for work, but he wakes up and discovers he has transformed into some kind of insect. He scares his family half to death as they finally discover his secret and then they gradually begin to accept the transformation and start to take care of him. It truly is a strange story.

Well, time to go to work. I suppose I will write more on this blog until I find my missing journal. :)

Just life

I am sitting here watching Big Trouble in Little China. It's a classic. I love the dudes with lamp shade hats. Kurt Russel just cracks me up too when he tires to act like he isn't scared but you can tell that he is freaking out. And that part with the lipstick! Fricken Hilarious!

Life has been crazy as of late. After visiting family when Gram died, we came back and started moving. We are in a different rental now and going through another purging of stuff period. I am amazed at the things we have collected over the last two years. It's sad really to think of all the money we have waisted on stuff that we will end up getting rid of.

Home schooling is still in question around these parts, although I have not freaked out and put my girls in public school like some. I was asked by one lady about the home schooling laws in Nevada because she is thinking about packing up and moving there. Maybe I will do the same if home schooling becomes outlawed. Shad can get himself a little apartment and fly in on the weekends. Now that would be crazy!

I got to teach another class tonight at my work experience. It went really great and I am putting ideas in the head of my boss about hiring me on an on call basis. We shall see what happens.

Time for sleep now...

More stuff...

So things are moving right along. We went to be with family for a while, then had to get back as we found a new rental house and we are moving into it over the next couple of weeks. I am also having to make up missed time at my internship and have a ton of school work to do. When it rains, it pours right?

I feel like it is a dark time with light up ahead and we are struggling to get there but things just keep blocking our path. Frustrating! And I miss Gram, but I'm glad she isn't suffering anymore.

When things calm down I am taking a full day to hang at the beach. Anyone want to come along?

Sad

Gram died today.


I'm sad...

My best friend is on her way here today. Woooohoooo! We leave to pick her up at the airport in a little while. I'm looking forward to seeing her and hanging out. She has never been to San Fran so we will go there and I'm sure she will freak out and take a ton of pictures. I just hope the rain clears up before we go. The big storm that was supposed to get here yesterday and never showed up. This morning the wind is whipping a bit and it obviously rained all night and looks as though it will continue throughout the day. A good day for looking at old photos by the fire and just catching up on life.

I started writing a story last week and then my computer was attacked by a virus and I ended up losing it all. It totally sucked knowing I had written so much and "poof!" it was gone. I also had about six months worth of journal that is gone as well. That hurt. Sometimes I just hate computers.

So we are watching a Klitschko fight and it is a horrible fight. They are tackling each other and the other guy is taking huge punches but does these weird things to get hooked up with Klitschko. Crazy! I found it interesting to look at the faces of the onlookers. Most of them are men, (no big surprise there) and the interesting part is watching their faces as they watch the fight. Some of them smile the whole time, some are serious, some yelling out, I just find it interesting.

Oh, I read this book by Nikki Sixx called The Heroin Diaries over the last two days. It was very interesting to see how he would lie to himself regarding his drug use. He constantly tried to control the way he would get clean until it killed him. It is amazing he is still alive. The amount of drugs he did and with what they were, it's just amazing. If you want to know what a rockers life while on drugs was like, read it. But it is xxx so be aware. You could also check out The Dirt.

Well, Klitschko won. No suprise there. Time to get moving.
Enjoy your day!

Life is Funny...ha, ha.

Working in drug recovery has been eye opening, inspiring, and painful. It has brought back many memories and gosts of the past. But I have learned a ton and have seen change within myself and most importantly, whithin the group I work with. The only bad part about this whole experience is that eventually it will come to an end and I will have to move on to another area of counseling.

Moving on to other things...

So I joined Joe in writing five pages a week and found it easy to come up with over five pages of story to write about the other night. I didn't even have any idea what I would put down on the paper, it just sort of spilled out. I am interested to see what all comes about. Then I will have to figure out what to do with it all.

Kenzie had a 24 hour flu this last week. I got home just in time to help her get to the bathroom to throw up. I felt so bad because as well all know, throwing up really sucks! It tears at my heart when my kids are sick and I can't do anything to fix it. Hopefully we all stay healthy and make it through the final leg of winter without any more sickness.

Gram is heavy on my heart as she is now unable to leave her bed. She sleeps most of the day away. I miss her and wish I was there with her so I could love on her some more.

Here is a little trivia info for President's Day...
President's Jackson and Garfield were both born in log cabbins.

That is all...

Finally after nagging for two years, my best friend is going to visit. I'm very excited to share all I have learned about this wonderful place we have been blessed to live in. We will go to the city one day, then the beach the next. It's going to be nice having her here and getting a chance to catch up on life.

In other news...
The last two nights I worked, I was able to facilitate the group meeting with my friend Rebecca. We played drug jeopardy the first night which was a lot of fun for us and the clients. Then the next time we talked about relapse. That was a very serious group meeting as there were some clients going through some deep emotions that night, but they shared a ton with us and I think we all walked away with something good.

I'm totally enjoying myslef working there, although sometimes I wonder if we are doing as well as we are told by some of the counselors. I have thought about asking for a part time job there for after the interning is done, but am not sure if it will work later on when I have to do another work experience. Not to mention that they might not want to hire me anyway. And I would have to make sure school with the girls came first before any of it all. I guess I just need to do more thinking and praying about all of that.

Today is my day off from everything! I think I will.....um....well....all I can think about is getting school work done and cleaning house. I think I need a new hobby.

Ant Saga Continues...

They are attacking! I am still not sure where they are coming from, but they are there and slowly multiplying. I have taken just about everything off of the counters, sprayed, laid traps, and still they appear. The professionals are going to come on Wednesday to do thier voodoo majic but I am not looking forward to another round of battle with the little ninja ants tomorrow morning. I worked out tonight in preperation for the event. I hope I can make it another day.

Tomorrow night I am facilitating a group and we are doing drug jeapordy! I will have to share more later.

The Ant Conclusion...

So after talking with my bestest friend, we came to the conclusion that the ants were either sick or at war with another colony and in need of some medical supplies. That would explain why they were in our medicine cabinet and not the pantry.

;)

Ants!!!

They are sneeky little bastards!

I got up this morning all ready for a nice quiet breakfast. My daily rutine includes taking meds and vitamins, so I went to the cabanet and found thousands of ants that seem to have come from no where just hanging around the medicine cabinet. What the hell?!?!

I looked and looked, but couldn't find out where they were comming from or even what they would be in there for. A party maybe? They are like little ninja ants or something too because they started taking off all crazy like. I cleaned them out, but now I feel compelled to clean out the pantry as well. It makes me itch just thinking about them. Maybe I will clean out that whole side of the house as well.

Not the greatest morning event I have had these days. Later I get to go pay rent and rant about the ants! I know chemicals aren't good for the environment, but I am having something done. And I am not paying for it this time.

Okay, I am done bitching!


I got to help facilitate a group meeting Tuesday night. We talked about Methamphetamines and what they do to the body.

"Chronic abuse can lead to psychotic behavior, including paranoia, insomnia, anxiety, extreme aggression, delusions and hallucinations, and even death."

And...

"Although these pleasure centers can heal over time, research suggests that damage to users' cognitive abilities may be permanent."

Interesting and informative. There is a great photo display of how Meth can change a person. Go to Google and look up "faces of meth" and you will get to see some real pictures of real meth users and how the drug changed them. It is just sad!