Help!

My computer is freaking out!!! I keep having pop ups and other crap. It is very frustrating and pisses me off.

So, I feel stressed. I have a lot on my plate these days and I am not getting things done in an organized manner. I can't seem to get a routine going. I am aggravated. I think I could use some help, but from who? I am stress eating all of the time, and I feel like running away. Can I just quit? Maybe go away to the beach or the mountains. Hide out like a hermit for a week or two or three.

Color my hair, change my name and move to the Bahamas.

What comes around...........

So a very long time ago, back in the 80's I broke my leg, and my mother took a whole afternoon of convincing to take me to the hospital. Finally when she did, she was told my leg was broke and we had to see an orthopedic specialist. Finally, the end result was surgery. My mother was convinced in the beginning that I was wrong about my leg being broken, and then I was made fun of the whole time.

Well, yesterday my mother broke her arm. She was convinced it was just a dislocated shoulder, but no, it was broken. Now she has to go see an orthopedic specialist, and possibly have surgery. Did I remind her of that oh so long ago time back in the 80's when I was made fun of? You better believe it!! But in a much nicer way.

Life sure is strainge. Last night I had a dream that I was with a few people who were trying to get away from this crazy guy who wanted to kill us all. We hid in a room, and I tried to keep him from getting inside, but he managed to get in. He was with a bunch of other people who were waiting for him, and he told us to stay out of site and he would let us live. He then started shooting and making a mess of the place and then left. We were so afraid of being killed. When we were finally able to leave the house, we were still worried about being seen by the others who were with him. I kept wanting to stay in a closet with the door to my back so that I knew no one was behind me. Weird!

The wind is whipping today, and I am not about to go out for anything unless it is super important. But that means the girls will have to stay in today as well. I see a very cool art project in our future. Something big and that can hang on the wall. Or we could start painting MacKenzie's room today. Or we could clean the house and organize things. Or we could watch a movie with some popcorn and soda. Or we could play games. Or we could...................................

Hi

Feeling down last night, I decided to go work out at ten. I was there for an hour and had a good workout. I will probably go again tonight. I think I have to be one of the worst friends around these days. I don't like the fact that my lack of self discipline, and ignorant nature causes friction in my relationships. I am selfish and uncaring at times, and very lazy about certain responsibilities. A very poor role model for my children these days.

The first step is admitting you have a problem.


Pray for Kristy - she is loosing her mind on drugs, and is now homeless.

I just shoveled rock for twenty minutes and now I feel like an old woman. Don't ask me to explain.

I was thinking about music. I love it. All of it. Well, most of it. It fills me with emotion and I like that.

Well, where have I gone today? Perhaps one step further, yet not all that far.

We have a new bed. We broke down and got a good one so that we won't have to keep spending money on junk every year. This one should last us a very long time. The thing is huge, but so very comfortable. Oh what things we take for granted in this life.

Wait..

Although, it isn't about what you do, it is about trust. Do I trust? Do you? It is all so confusing yet so simple. Is it? I need some time to pray things through and just let go. But then is that going to help me? Or is that a lack of trust?

Perhaps I need, no, THAT would be a lack of trust. Just accept.

AArrrrggg

So I have been having this problem with questioning my reasons for going to India, and then I just talked myself into the answer, or well, into the light. God is so good at that. I suck at follow through because I fear failure. You don't fail if you don't do, however I know that is the lie I tell myself. In reality, if you don't "live a courageous life" then you aren't even trying and then you really are failing. So, I totally get this in my head. I am trying to talk myself out of going so that I won't fail. However, I failed to realize that I would figure it out, so my plan has failed. Follow me?

Reading a book

Have you read The Five People You Meet In Heaven?

What?

Can't hear you, I have my head in the clouds. The wind has been blowing them right by me, and for some reason, I find my self lost in them. How tranquil it is to wonder around, oblivious to the signs God puts in my way. Tranquil until I fall back to reality, WHAM!!!! And find that my world has been turned up-side-down and all due to my own ignorance. Life is grand!

So, that is where I am at right now. Realizing that I have had my head in the clouds about some things, and I know now that I must deal with these demons or suffer a worse fate. All things are possible with God. Pray for me.

How weird it is to realize that someone might actually read the thoughts that spill out of my brain.

I sit here this morning wondering if I am doing the right things in my life. How do I know if I am following the right path? Faith.

I Love Shad!!!

I love my husband. He has set up my office so that I can email and blog and everything else right here. I even have a nice screen so I don't go blind!! He loves me, he really loves me!!

Okay, so enough of that crap. I have a ton of work to do, so I am out of here.

Happy Birthday Joe! (belated)

Why do I .....

Why do I open my big mouth and give my opinion about anything?

Oh well, I guess I am stuck. So, my dad called today and asked me if I had seen The Passion movie and I told him yes, and he said he didn't want to, and well, it started a conversation between the two of us about God. Something that we have never spoken of to each other before. Weird, but cool at the same time.

My dog loves Frosty Paws. I think she is addicted. We picked some up at the store the other day and every time I open the freezer, she sits and starts licking her chops while giving me that look of desperation. I love my dog. She is my fatty dog and so cute!!!

I have a party on the first of May which I am happy about because this will help me with my funds for India. There has been some support trickling in, and we are so grateful for that. My father even said he would send some funds which is funny because he totally thinks it is dumb for me to want to go there. One day he might understand. I won't lose any sleep over it.

My dog is wanting to play, so I have to go. She keeps nudging my arm with her cold wet nose. Oh, now she is pouting.

I can see.

I visited my eye doctor today for a follow up to my laser redo on my right eye. I see so good now, and what a blessing it is. I'm even having trouble driving because I want to just look at everything I could see before. I guess it is time to get the license change.

There seems to be a lot of confusion going on about church service. If church is church no matter where you have it, doesn't that mean that it is okay if some like to have it at a special place, at a special time and some don't? And what is all of the confusion about the children and classes?

I suppose I am very clueless about it all, but it seems to me that when we have children, it is our obligation and God given duty to raise them to the best of our ability to be God loving individuals. Not anyone else's job, but ours. Why is it so hard for us to accept the responsibility? It is my opinion that we have been programmed by our parents with what they were taught. So really, we continue those lessons we feel were useful to us, and change the ones we feel didn't work. We can't be judging others on they way they choose to raise their kids, we can only choose to raise ours the way we feel is best and trust that God is in charge. So what if some people don't gather in one place on the same day of every week at the same time. Perhaps they are having church in another way some place else at that moment in time. God only knows. I think we can only do what we feel led to by God and know that we are doing His will in our work and life.

But that is just my opinion and thought for the day. I could change my mind later and have another opinion tomorrow. My God given right.

And................What do I know?

Wooohoooo!

Just felt the need.

Well, today was a productive day, but I still have so much to do. I need to take in some extra work or something to make my money for my trip. God will provide the answer.

We have had a good school day so far. Both girls are whining only ever so slightly.

Well, there is just so much excitement that a person can handle, so I guess I will go.

blessings to everyone, and to all a good night. Uh, what ever.

What is there to do on a rainy day? How about painting with little ones and then P.E. with a gym full of screaming home schoolers. It was fun.

My eye feels tired. I have been feeling so good that I think I might have over done it a bit. I woke up today with my eye feeling like it was glued shut and now I am seeing a little foggy. Not like the last few days. Perhaps I just need to keep in mind that while it doesn't hurt, it is still healing. Maybe I just need a nap. Then, well, some music and then another nap.

Yes, I must nap.

God is funny sometimes. I was all upset and stressed out over things for some reason, and then I hear just what I needed to hear to understand that God is in control and I am in the right direction.

I received a call from one of my sister-in-laws and she was very supportive of our India trip. It feels good to hear that it is supported by most. I am getting more letters out tomorrow. It is on my list of priorities for tomorrow. I hope tonight wasn't the night of the Girls Party night thing because if it is, I am so missing it.

I have a ton of things to get done and I am so tired.

God is pointing to India

Well, after much prayer, I have decided to take the job of chaperone on the "Middle Schoolers Teaching and Coaching in India" trip. It will be me and Susie and seven of her students/basketball team girls on a wild ride to India and back. I am very excited and anxious to get things rolling. The first job is done. We have made our letters to send out asking for financial support. The rest is up to God. We need a total of $18,000 to get us all there. Obviously we need a ton of prayer as this is a huge goal to shoot for by mid July. If anyone is interested in finding out how to help support our efforts to give seven girls ( and two adults) a once in a life time educational chance, you can email me at smatheny1@cox.net and I will send you a copy of our letter.

In the meantime I have lots of letters to get out to family and friends to let them in on our plans. I am so excited to be able to do this, and to have the opportunity to learn about and share the culture of India.

Yoga Rocks!

Had my first yoga class today and it was wonderful. I first read a book on it because I felt that I should know more about it before I busted in on a session. It was great to hear the positioning names and know what they were talking about. I have finally found the exercise I like and possibly love to do. I am going again soon. I knew that there had to be an exercise I would like out there somewhere in the world.

Shad is doing his own thing today which is a major change from every other weekend. Kind of nice and bizarre at the same time. We usually spend our time together on the weekends doing stuff. I get to shut the television off and blast the music. Oh happiness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Movie night is here tonight. It should be fun. I feel the need to clean something.............................................................................................................................See ya.

My mom just had her birthday today. She is 60. Mom dresses like she is an 80 year old most of the time, so today for her birthday, I dyed her hair and put make up on her and styled her hair. I even told her that she is beautiful. For those who know me and read this, you know what a big deal that is. Then my brother and I took her to dinner.

I feel large and lazy. Oh, right, I am.

I just totally erased my last thought because I was not willing to share. How selfish of me. You will get over it I am sure. I know I did. My dog is feeling alone these days because we have not been home much. Yes, there are some guilty feelings, however, I can make it up to her by taking her on a walk tomorrow morning. She loves to drag me around the block. She is so funny when she is mad.


Life is like a large plate of pasta, you figure it out.

Spit!

Have you ever felt the need to walk out and spit? I feel like that today. Like I have a huge phlegm to just get out. Not an actual phlegm in my mouth that traveled from my nose to my throat, but like an irritation that just needs to leave.

Anyway, last night I ended up at the Canyon Ridge service again while waiting on my daughter. They said something that I never realized before. I have never put that much thought into it really, but anyway, it was that all religions are about what you DO and that Christianity is about what has been DONE. (This is something someone wrote about, can't remember who) Like you have to pray this way to be blessed, and you have to do this or that to receive blessings, but in Christianity you come to realize that Jesus already did what needed to be done for everything you have done and will do, so now it is time to love and learn to be a community of God loving people doing His will in the world. Just thought that was super interesting.

Today I will be painting a room with sky and trees and hills of grass, flowers and Power Puffs. Yes, I said Power Puffs. My daughter will sketch them on the wall and I will paint them. Under her direction of course. I am looking forward to Movie night, the house should be quit a mess. It is all in the name of love baby!

School time!

We are learning about Spain. Not because of anything that has happened lately, but because we picked Spain for our "Trip Around the World in a Day" project. I found these really great sounding recipes that I want Hailey to make, and we found this cool web site that had pictures of Pasetas all the way from 1800 to 1996. Now they use the Euro, but I think that the Pasetas were much more beautiful and detailed. Anyway, we have a few pictures getting blown up as well. All in all, for not having a clue as to what we are truly doing, I think we are doing alright. We are quickly running out of time, and I don't think we have taken enough time in studying all that we should have. But then, that is the great thing about Home Schooling so I am learning. We can take as much time as we want on a subject and bring everything into it.

The girl's beds will be here tomorrow!!!! I am so excited as this means I get to paint and decorate. Shad is certainly thrilled. Yes, that was a joke. I am going to do Hailey's room first. It will be the easiest I think. Anyone know anything about making curtains? I am sure it can't be that hard. I will have to borrow my mom's sewing machine. Although that could be dangerous. I have never used one before. How hard can it be?

I think I have finally found the right color to finish off my living room painting. Shad doesn't know it yet, but I am going to paint the rest of the living room while he is gone. He will be so happy when he gets back. Yes, that was another joke. Not the part about me painting, the other part, well, you get it.